Teen Wolf Season Three Viewathon
by Castaway5
Summary: A parody of season three of Teen Wolf. Each episode is made fun of and examined. Basically everything you've ever wanted to shout out while watching a movie in a crowded theater. Episode Six is up! Deucalion: I'm coming for you, and anyone you love. I'm coming for ALL THE LOVED ONES!
1. Tattoo

Welcome to the Viewathon! Basically its a recap of each episode, but with commentary and dissection. Not the kind with frogs, but examining each episode and looking for clues.

**Disclaimer**: This story is a spoof. I created it because I have an unhealthy obsession with TW. All characters belong to Jeff Davis. Also please keep in mind that I am a guy.

* * *

Teen Wolf Season Three Viewathon

Tattoo

* * *

(Wakes up) Wooo! Teen Wolf Marathon today!

What actually happened…

Cailin: Hey, I missed the bus. Can you give me a ride to school? I'll buy you breakfast.

Me: Ughhhhh.

Later: (Sitting in the drive thru)

Me: Do you really need to go to school?

Cailin: No.

Me: Wanna stay home and watch the Teen Wolf Marathon.

Cailin: Yes.

And so we did. And she got busted for it. And grounded for two weeks. Nothing happened to me though. I'm the good child. Soooo.

* * *

Previously, on Teen Wolf…

Scott: You can't just go around turning people into Werewolves.

Me: Well of course you can Scott. Derek already did it. You should have told him before he went around biting every socially awkward teen he could find.

Allison: Scott, I'm trying to break up with you.

Scott: It's okay.

Me: No it's not! How is that okay?!

Derek: It's their symbol.

Peter: An Alpha pack.

Me: Oh Peter, what are you so worried about? It's not like you're afraid of dying. Again.

And Now

* * *

Me: Whoa, someone is dragging a body! I wonder who it is? Oh wait, that's right. We've all already read the first page of the script, so we already know it's Isaac who is dead. Hey look, jumper cables!

Warning: In an emergency, do not shock your dead friends with jumper cables from a fucking car battery. It will only make them deader. More Dead. Very very dead. Much more dead than they already were.

Me: It bet the air smells like burning werewolf…

Isaac: Arrrggggg. (Moan)

Me: Is that Ms. Morell? Hi Ms. Morell!

Isaac: I don't remember anything…

Me: Good thing you have a therapist with you.

Ms. Morell: Blah blah memories.

Me: Wait a minute, you're not Ms. Morell! There can't be two similar looking attractive black ladies who know about werewolves on this show! We'll get confused and stuffs. I demand that one of them dies before this episode ends!

Attractive Black Lady: No matter what happens, don't let go.

Jack: Don't ever let go Rose. Don't ever let go.

Rose: I won't Jack. I love you!

Me: Damn it Cailin, you sat on the remote. Change it back, change it back!

Attractive Black Lady: (Puts on helmet)

Me: Because safety first kids! Wow, look at all these filthy back alleys. Beacon Hills has really let itself go over the past four months. It's almost like its being filmed in a different location than last season…

Isaac: I hear something. Something's coming.

Stiles: (In the future) Something bad.

Me: Oh look, a werewolf. And another werewolf. Brothers?

Lydia: (In the future) Twins!

Me: Yes yes I know that. I was just pointing it out to the readers. I already know because I've read every freaking spoiler there is to know about season three already.

Twins: (Attacking the motorcycle)

Me: You know Isaac, I know you're half dead, but you could try and help out. Even Peter was more helpful when he was half dead.

Motorcycle: (Crashes through a window)

Isaac: (Falls off)

Me: You had one job Isaac. One job!

Motorcycle: (Crashes)

Me: And that is why you always wear a helmet.

Twins: (Steps through the window and starts stripping)

Isaac: WTF?

Me: Really MTV? Really? Do they really need to take off their shirts? We are not even five minutes into the first episode and people are already stripping OH MY GOD WHAT ARE THEY DOING. HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING!?

Twins/GIANT FUCKING MONSTER: ARRRRRGGGGG!

Attractive Black Lady: Eat lightning motherfucker!

Twins: Arrrrgggg. (Disappear)

Attractive Black Lady: You had one job Isaac. One job.

* * *

Theme song: Duh duh duh duh!

Tyler Posey: (Rises into the air)

Me: Okay, that's a sweet jacket, but why is he floating? That makes no sense.

Hands: (Bursting from the ground)

Me: Cool.

Tyler Hoechlin: (Turns into a wolf)

Me: Please let that happen this season. Oh hello Holland. Stunning as always. Hey, you doing anything later? I might not be a werewolf but I can totally be a beast when I want to be.

* * *

Me: A tattoo parlor. I guess laws must be pretty different in California because I'm pretty sure you need a parent permission to get a tat since you're underage… Oh god Scott, that's the drawing of the tattoo you want? How hard is it to draw solid black lines? You had one job!

Stiles: Hey Scott, sure you don't want something like this? (Holds up lizard man drawing)

Me: Way too soon dude.

Stiles: Too soon?

Me: Dude, I would totally send then picture to Jackson just to rub it in his face.

Tattoo Guy: You aren't afraid of needles are you?

Stiles: (Faints)

Me: Really Stiles? You almost had to chop off Derek's arm that one time, and that made you faint?

Later…

Scott: I don't think it's supposed to feel like this…

Tattoo: Smell ya later!

Me: Well that's fifty bucks down the drain. Bummer dude.

* * *

Me: Lydia and Allison are driving along. You look stunning by the way Holland. Just saying.

Lydia: You were in France for four months and you didn't do any dating?

Me: Look, it's not my fault women don't shave there… oh you were talking to Allison. Right.

Allison: Uh, let's not talk about me. What about Jackson?

Lydia: Don't say his name. How would you like it if I said Derek's name in the next sentence huh?

Allison: (Laughs, clearly not affected by the mentioning of the guy who caused her mom to kill herself.)

Me: So Jackson's in London. An American Werewolf in London. Like that won't be a disaster.

Lydia: An American Werewolf in London? Like that won't be a disaster.

Me: And in that one scene, Jackson is explained away. Damn you Colton Hayes for ruining the story line! How much more did CW offer to pay you than MTV huh? I bet it was a lot.

Lydia: Yes, it's a double date. It's not an orgy.

Me: But it could be…

Scott: No texts, no calls. No contact. I don't know if she's even coming back at all.

Me: And this is the girl you love?

Allison: (Laughing happily until she sees Scott. Then she freaks out.) Awkward…

Stiles: Sup.

Lydia's Car: See ya later bitches! (Runs red light)

Me: Wow, that was really cold. And now they two cars play stop and go…

Lydia's Car: Look here girlfriends, we don't need no boys to comfort you. We are strong, independent women!

Deer: TAKE THIS BITCHES! (Proceeds to commit suicide via impaling itself on Lydia's car)

Girls: SCREAMS

Scott: (Running straight to Allison) Are you okay?

Allison: Yeah, I think so.

Lydia: Well I'm not okay!

Me: When are you ever okay? You haven't been okay since season one. And since when is Scott a deer whisperer?

* * *

And Cut Scene

Me: But wait, you mean we don't get to watch the awkward car ride between everybody? Well that's disappointing. At least the Attractive Black Lady is back.

Attractive Black Lady: Find Scott McCall. He's the Alpha.

Me: Wait, what?

And Cut Scene

* * *

Me: I don't know about anyone else, but I was never that chipper on the first day of school. Who do you think you are Scott? Do you even lift? Do you even read?

Scott: (Doing one arm pull ups while reading Call of the Wild)

Me: You call that a pull up? You're chin isn't even coming close to that bar.

Cailin: That's still pretty impressive.

Me: And you've been a werewolf for how long now and you've only just gotten to Call of the Wild? At least you've read White Fang. Hey, I wonder if Jack London was a Werewolf? That would explain so much… Hey I just saw Great Expectations in that pile and I call bullshit. There is no way you could read all of Great Expectations while doing pull ups. It is almost physically impossible to read the book on its own. Your arms would drop off.

Word of the Day: Ephemeral.

Me: Not uh, that word of the day is Prosaic. I just checked. Geez.

* * *

Me: Hey, look at Allison's new room. That is a sweet room. And I want that bed. The things I would do to that bed. And on it.

Chris: You ready?

Allison: Yeah.

Me: You see? Allison is nearly catatonic. That is how you are supposed to be on your first day of school.

Me: And now Stiles is doing what Stiles does. Research on pointless stuff. Not everything that happens to you has to do with the supernatural Stiles! Oh look, a mac. Product placement much?

And…

Me: Hello Holland. Stunning as usual. Except that black jacket. Not everyone on this show needs a black leather jacket.

Shirtless Lucky Guy: Looks good on you.

Me: Is that a twin? That can't be a twin. And I know that age of consent is 16 in Cali, but there is no way that guy is close to her age. What are you doing Lydia? You could have me! And Allison's bed!

Shirtless Lucky Guy: Sooo. Wanna have sex?

Lydia: No.

Now just a shirtless guy, no longer lucky: Bummer.

Me: Yeah, good luck getting past Lydia's parents on your way out.

* * *

Me: Scott on a bike.

Scott: I am such a badass. (Looks over at those two mega awesome Ducati's)

Me: The things I would do to that bike. And on it.

Old Principal: Whatever happened to the old library while I was gone, I want it cleared out.

Me: You mean you never cleaned that up?

Old Principal: (Holds up a sword)

Me: And did Gerald just have a crate of those lying around?

* * *

Lydia: Look at all the freshman!

Me: Seriously Lydia? You want to corrupt young innocent minds now? You must be having one of your 60% evil days. And talk about Dawson Casting. Every boy they just showed must be at least 20. Freshman have acne and are short.

Allison: You know it's okay to be single.

Me: That's right! (Cries silently in the corner) I am so alone! Why don't you like me Holland?!

Allison: Brothers?

Lydia: Twins.

Me: Again, I'm calling bullshit. No amount of Dawson Casting will ever make me believe that those two are in high school.

Attractive Black Lady: Gasp!

Me: Figures. Why is everyone into twins?

Isaac: I'm awake. And I want Scott.

Me: You and an army of fan girls.

Sheriff: Hey Melissa, there's an amnesiac in 215 and an Attractive Black Lady in 216, and I don't know what's going on.

Me: Well that's nothing new. What is new is an amnesiac in 215. Is he referring to Isaac? He knows Isaac though from a previous case so why wouldn't he call him Isaac? Is the amnesiac someone else? As in the only Alpha we don't get to see this episode? Hmmm.

* * *

Me: School, oh fun.

Allison: Crap, I have to sit in front of Scott.

Me: Is it really that awkward between you? You've had sex. You've seen each other naked. This can't be awkward between you. Just say hi.

Allison: Hi.

Scott: Sup.

Cell Phones: Ring ring. (Teacher walks in, quoting the last line of the first book they are reading)

Cailin: How did she do that?

Me: I dunno but she just totally ruined the ending to that book.

Teacher: No texting in class y'all.

Me: Well that's going to cause all kinds of problems this season.

* * *

Melisa: Damn it!

Me: Called it….Whoa, Alpha alert! That chick is definitely an Alpha!

Alpha Chick: (Walks into 215) Me: Damn it, there goes my theory. At least the Alpha seems nice. Oh what big claws you have…and eyes… you know you could totally kill Isaac right now if you wanted him dead. She has him all to herself… too bad he wants Scott. She's not bad looking y'know. Ten bucks says she and Derek do it by the end of the season.

Isaac: (Passes out)

Me: Wouldn't he have some kind of resistance to a sedative since he's a Werewolf and all?

* * *

Allison: Scott, can we talk?

Me: Well I don't know Allison, can you?

Teacher: Mr. McCall?

Me: Busted.

Teacher: Yo, don't skip my class.

Me: What a bitch. First you spoil that book and now you're telling him off because the principle just said there was an emergency? Just kidding. I think she's a sweet teacher. Too bad she'll probably die later in the season.

Alpha Chick: Grrr.

Me: And what big teeth you have?

Stiles: Hey Lydia, what's with that band aid?

Me: Whoa, you win the prize, I didn't even notice that.

Lydia: Prea bit me.

Stiles: Your dog?

Lydia: No, my designer handbag.

Me: Lydia, your rat dog could easily pass as a handbag. That is not really much of a comeback.

Stiles: Something's coming. Something bad.

Crow: SUP BITCHES! (Commits suicide via window)

Me: Well that was creepy. Anyone else wondering if Lydia is attracting these things?

Birds: CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKERS!

Me: Oh snap, it's THE BIRDS! How ironic that this is happening in English class.

Class: Screams and panics.

Me: God, these people are slow to react. Get on the floor. At least Stiles is taking care of Lydia. Not that she'll thank him or anything. And I half expected Allison to whip out a knife and start killing crows. At least the teacher is shielding students, though that boy she's holding needs to hand over his man card, and his balls.

Music: Dramatic

Me: Well that was fun.

* * *

Scott: Why didn't you tell me earlier?

Melisa: Oh Scott, you've gotten so smart lately, even though that bike scares me. I didn't want you to get dragged back into all of this.

Me: His bike scares you? He can heal! And y'know, considering that you have a high paying job Scott, you probably could have gotten a car.

Scott: It's not going to happen. I'm going to be a better everything this year.

Me: Pfft, yeah right.

Attractive Black Lady: (Walks in the background)

Me: How does no one notice her?!

Scott: (Gets in elevator)

Blind Man: 2nd floor please.

Elevator: (Already on the 2nd floor)

Me: While that was clever on Scott's part, wouldn't the guy realize that the elevator never moved?

Blind Guy: Help me!

Me: Uh, Alpha alert! And if he wants to kill Scott, why doesn't he just do it now?

Doctor: I'm going to go smoke.

Me: Again, ironic. And now another Alpha has Isaac. Where are they getting all of these scrubs from? How many dead doctors are in a closet somewhere naked because a bunch of rabid Werewolves stole their clothes?

Scott: (Wandering the Hospital) Hm. My Werewolf senses are tingling.

Me: WEREWOLF FIGHT!

Scott: I'm going to kick this guy's ass… OH SHIT IT'S AN ALPHA, ABORT ABORT ABORT!

Mean Alpha: I'm an Alpha!

Derek: So am I bitch! (Turns to Scott) Aren't you supposed to be in school?

Me: That's the thanks he gets for trying to save Isaac? Show some gratitude why don't you, sheesh.

* * *

Mrs. Blake: Hyperventilating.

Stiles: To the rescue!

Chris: Next time you want to stay home, you stay home.

Allison: I'm okay… (Looks down)

Me: Well looks like Allison has gone back to being meek. Countdown to raging kick ass Allison is T-minus how many episodes?

Sheriff: Yo Chris, what the fuck is happening?

Chris: Hell if I know.

Stiles: (Plays with a feather in the background… oh wait, it's a phone)

Me: No texting in class Stiles!

* * *

Scott: (At Derek's house) You don't still live here do you?

Derek: No, but there's something here that I need.

Me: Like a blow torch?

Scott: So what was that back there?

Derek: Just some random shit. None of your business really. I still owe you one though.

Me: Awwwww, Derek is trying to protect Scott!

Scott: Hey, I know how you can repay me!

Me: Oh God, I do not want to know how many slash fic those lines just created. Even Derek looked a bit scared there.

* * *

Lydia: God, this is just like Buffy.

Attractive Black Lady: Where's Scott McCall? You're Allison right?

Allison: Yeah…

Attractive Black Lady: (Grabs the girls, then flees the Twins)

Me: Nooo! Give us answers damn it!

Girls: We have matching bruises!

Me: How on earth do you both think those are normal bruises?

Allison: I think I should go investigate…

Chris: No! We only stay in Beacon Hills if we don't get involved.

Me: That…is a terrible plan. Why would you come back to Beacon Hills if you're not going to get involved! That makes no sense!

Sheriff: Animals are acting strangely, so I figured I come to you doc.

Deaton: Why does everyone come to me? Isn't there another vet in Beacon Hills?

Me: Anyone else notice that it takes forever for Deaton to get his point across?

Deaton: Look at all of these dead animals!

Me: Dude, aren't you worried you're going to get sued? That's a lot of dead pets you got there.

Derek: (Looks at Scott's arm) Yup, definitely not a tattoo there. You should get your money back.

Me: Uh, shouldn't you be helping Isaac instead of giving Scott a tattoo lesson?

Derek: What's it mean?

Scott: I dunno, it's just something I draw with my fingers.

Me: Looks like a boob.

Scott: I just miss Allison so much that I want to get a mark on my body that will last forever to remind myself!

Me: At least you aren't tattooing her face on your chest. And Derek is being super understanding about all of this. He must have had a hard four months if he's this mellowed out.

Derek: Hey Scott.

Scott: Yeah Derek.

Derek: This might hurt.

Me: Like Stiles could hold Scott down… and with Scott moving around so much there is no way Derek could be doing a good job. If Derek screwed up, that would be hilarious.

Scott: Well that wasn't so bad… it's definitely not ephemeral.

Stiles: PSATs?

Scott: Yup.

Me: I hope we get a word of the day in every episode.

Scott: Why did you paint the door?

Derek: Go home Scott.

Me: But because Scott never listens to Derek…

Scott: How many are there?

Derek: A pack of them.

Scott: How do you deal with an Alpha pack?

Derek: With all the help I can get.

Me: Nooo. You were being so good about protecting Scott. Why did you have to tell him? Now he's going to fail all of his classes and people are going to start dying and it's all your fault Derek!

Isaac: Where is she? Where's the girl?

Me: Oh so now you want the Attractive Black Lady instead of Scott huh? Well you can't have her, I've already called dibs!

* * *

Attractive Black Lady: Time to pull a Jackie Chan!

Me: She's in a locker room…the girl's locker room? So that's what the girl's locker room looks like…

Attractive Black Lady: Gasp!

Alpha Pack: Creeps silently

Me: Alpha Chick needs a pair of shoes.

Attractive Black Lady: (Starts kicking some Alpha ass)

Alpha Chick: Not today.

Attractive Black Lady: Shit

Blind Alpha: (Is blind)

Attractive Black Lady: I might die in a minute, but I know someone who will take you down.

Blind Alpha: Maybe. But I think I'll get someone kill that person so I don't have to worry about it.

Me: Yeah, like Derek. I'm sure that plan is going to go over well. It would be so much easier just to kill him yourself y'know…

Blind Alpha: (Kills the Attractive Black Lady)

Me: Sorry Attractive Black Lady, but we all know that there can only be one, and Ms. Morell called dibs last season. Anyway, death count is now one human, a deer, a flock of birds, and a bunch of pets.

* * *

Allison: So what color should I paint my room… Hey look, our arms make a mark!

Me: Look, it's Boyd! And an arm. I guess that could be Erica… except the actress didn't renew her contract. Then again, the TW tumbler page had her picture in that cell with the caption _Surprise_, so maybe she won't die this season!

* * *

I'm going to try and update each week, but don't get mad at me if I miss a deadline. I thought this would be fun to write so I wrote it.

As for reviews, please don't tell me to update faster, or just say good job. Those aren't reviews. You can tell me what you liked or did not like about my story. You can also point out anything that you think I missed or got wrong, or share your own opinions on what you think will happen.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chaos Rising

Hi everyone. While it is fun writing this Viewathon, I was a bit disappointing by the response I got by it. I only got one review. (Thank you to that person who reviewed)

Each of these chapters takes me three to four hours to write. It's very daunting. I want to continue this series until at least the mid-season finale, but i would like a bit of help from all of you. :)

* * *

Teen Wolf Season Three Viewathon

Chaos Rising

Me: Okay, episode two. Let's do this.

Allison: (Drawing on her arm while driving)

Me: That can't be safe.

Stiles: We're going to a party!

Me: Yes! I've always wanted to be invited to a high school party. Uh…

Scott: I dunno. (Looks at a missed call form Allison)

Me: The fact that you didn't answer that call says quite a bit about you in my opinion. And that, everyone was the werewolf secret handshake. I knew that was a real thing!

Scott: How's my breath smell?

Stiles: I'm not smelling your breath.

Me: But that's what best friends are for!

Scott: Can you at least tell me what kind of party this is?

Large group of girls: Blue solo cups!

Me: Drunken girls. So far it's the awesome kind Scott.

Attractive White Girl: Whooooo. It's my birthday! And I want sex. (Runs up and kisses Stiles)

Scott: (In the background) …

Me: Scott's look is priceless right now.

Attractive White Girl: Come downstairs with me and help me pick out a bottle of wine.

Stiles: Yes.

Me: Can someone actually verify that this kind of thing happens in real life? I don't think it does. I think that MTV is LYING.

Scott: (Walks up to the girl who dunked a drunk Stiles into a pool at Lydia's Birthday Party in season two) Hey.

Super Fan: No.

Allison: Yes.

Stiles/ Attractive White Girl: (Making out)

Me: That is a lot of freaking wine.

Attractive White Girl: You know what I want for my birthday?

Stiles: A bike?

Attractive White Girl: You've never done it either?

Stiles: Turned seventeen? No, not yet.

Me: MTV you're a liar! Stop making me think my high school experience was unfulfilled! Aw who am I kidding…

Attractive White Girl: Do you want to?

Stiles: Do I want to?

Me: You are in a basement. Couldn't you go upstairs or something?

Attractive White Girl: My brother keeps some condoms in the upstairs bathroom.

Stiles: Right. (Trips and runs off)

Me: And cue the sad Scott/Allison music they always play for serious moments.

Scott: This isn't the talk we were going to have is it?

Allison: I need to show you something. (Holds out her arm)

Stiles: (Bursts into the bathroom) Condoms, yes! (Holds up XXL condom box)

Me: Dude.

Cailin: Poor Stiles.

Stiles: (Looks down)

Me: Dude.

Attractive White Girl: Just walkin around barefoot in her basement.

Me: Y'know you could have stashed some blankets or a pillow down there.

Room: Minor Earthquake happens.

Me: How does no one else notice that? I mean Scott's right outside the house.

Wine Bottle: Explodes!

Attractive White Girl: This isn't funny.

Me: Who's laughing? Clearly not all the people who are going to die this season.

Wine Bottles: (Exploding like they really hate everyone and everything)

Me: How does no one hear her screaming?

Attractive White Girl: (Taken by a mysterious force)

Me: Alright, theory time. Totally blaming Gerard. I don't think the Alpha Pack has anything to do with this one. I bet Gerard wants his own pack of insecure teenagers. Can his bite turn people though?

Stiles: Heather? (Picks up her bow)

Me: What happened to all the wine everywhere? Anyway, she totally ditched you bro.

Cailin: Poor Stiles.

Me: That girl is probably being brutally murdered and you're worried about Stiles?

Cailin: Poor Stiles.

Me: Yeah. Sucks to be him. Anyway, the body count is now up to two, even though we haven't actually seen any bodies.

* * *

Me: When did Beacon Hills become so urban? That is a sweet loft though.

Isaac: I'm starting not to like this idea.

Derek: He knows how to do it, I don't.

Me: What do you mean you don't know how to do it? You accidently gave Jackson memories in season one, and you were half dead and a beta at the time!

Isaac: You know Scott doesn't trust him right?

Me: Wow, Scott must have left one hell of an impression on you last season.

Derek: Do you trust me?

Isaac. (Very long pause) Yeah?

Me: Well that sounded confident.

Isaac: I still don't like him.

Derek: Nobody likes him.

Me: How can you not like sassypants Peter?

Peter: Boys!

Derek: We don't like you. Now shut up and help us.

Peter: If I mess up you could end up paralyzed or dead. But don't worry, I've never paralyzed anyone before.

Derek: (Huh?)

Isaac: Wait, does that mean…

Peter: Shhhhh.

Me: And Peter has glowing blue eyes. When will we ever find out the secret behind the eyes? We were already told it wasn't genetic.

Derek: What did you see?

Peter: Stuff.

Me: Which translates into you're all going to die.

* * *

Derek: (Looking at the bruises) I don't see anything.

Me: Are you blind? Geez.

Scott: They're trying to help.

Me: Why is Derek in their school anyway? Couldn't they have done it before school? I bet Derek just wanted to see their English Teacher. Y'know. Because they're totally going to be a thing.

Derek: This one, who used me to resurrect my psychotic uncle, thank you, and this one, who shot about thirty arrows into me and my pack.

Me: My pack and I. It's a good thing you're about to start dating an English teacher.

Stiles: Alright, come on. No one died…

Allison: My mother died. And I'm here to help Scott. Not you.

Me: You know there are other ways you can help Scott. Like by talking to him. Or making out with him…

Derek: Yeah, well sorry about your mom. JK. Find something real.

Allison: Challenge Excepted.

Scott: Give her a chance.

Derek: Then maybe you should tell her what her mother was really doing that night.

Me: Wait, she doesn't know? Why didn't anyone tell her? It totally would have stopped her from trying to kill everyone last season. Sure, she probably would have hated her mom which would have sucked since she just died, but still…

* * *

Stiles: Blah blah blah.

Scott: My Werewolf senses are tingling.

Me: Which is weird considering that the Twins didn't react the same way.

Coach: Economics!

Me: It's good to know that even though Lacrosse is out of season, we're still going to get our daily dose of Coach rambling.

Coach: What is the stock market based upon?

Scott: Risk and reward?

Me: Actually Supply and Demand. Anyway what with the word of the day and now business tips, I feel like I'm learning too much on this show. This is supposed to be a mind-numbing teenage drama. It's supposed to distract me from the fact that I don't have a social life or a girlfriend. Not teach me things.

Coach: Does anyone have a quarter?

Stiles: (Tries to take out a quarter and the XXL condom comes flying out)

Cailin: Poor Stiles.

Me: Not really. Every girl in that class, plus Danny now wants Stiles. A pity Lydia isn't in that class.

Coach: McCall, risk, or reward?

Scott: (Holds up the quarter)

Me: I would have totally put that quarter in my pocket and take it as my own reward.

Scott: Uh, no?

Me: Come on. You have Werewolf super powers. If Kyle XY can do it while he's drunk as a skunk, then surely you can to?

Coach: Who's next?

Stiles: Me!

Sheriff: That Heather girl is missing.

Stiles: Tell me about it.

Danny: YES!

Coach: Reward!

* * *

Allison: Look at me, using my mac. Totally not product placement or anything.

Lydia: I want one.

Allison: Which one?

Lydia: The straight one, obviously.

Me: Well not obviously since you just stated that you want one. That implied that you didn't care which one you got. And it's nice to know that the twins are concentrating on their studies during their breaks instead of killing people.

* * *

Me: Ice bath time! I have a feeling that this might hurt.

Deaton: If we can slow your heart rate down slow enough you will slip into a trance-like state.

Me: Uh, what? I took ice bathes all the time in school for sports. They're painful but quite enjoyable once you go numb. Isaac would have to be in there for like an hour for his heart rate to slow down that much.

Isaac: It's safe though right?

Deaton: Uhhhhhhhh.

Me: I'm getting the feeling that Isaac is going to be this season's punching bag.

Rubber Glove: Snap!

Stiles: Grins stupidly.

Pack/ Deaton: Glares at Stiles.

Stiles: Okay.

Isaac: (Takes off his shirt)

Me: It was only a matter of time. Not that I'm complaining that Isaac isn't taking off his pants, but I still would have taken off my pants before getting in.

Pack: (Proceeds to try and drown Isaac)

Me: Yes, because that will definitely get his heart-rate down.

Isaac: (Stops struggling and goes limp)

Me: Body count now 3. But seriously, you all could have handled that better.

Deaton: Okay, now before we begin, does anyone have any embarrassing or person questions that they would like to ask Isaac?

Derek: Isaac, who took the last Klondike bar last week?

Isaac: …Peter…

Derek: I'm going to kill that motherfucker again when I get back home.

Lights: Flicker.

Me: Well that's inconvenient.

Isaac: (Starts freaking out and grabs Scott)

Me: Awwwww.

Isaac: They're worried about what they'll do during the full moon.

Derek: If they're looked in a room together they'll tear each other apart.

Me: Seriously? It's been four full moons since they've been bitten and they haven't learned control? It took both Scott and Isaac one.

Lights: Flicker!

Me: Can't you just turn off the lights? That would solve that problem.

Derek: Time to fuck everything up!

Isaac: (Freaks out) I saw the name! It's the bank!

Everyone: Uh.

Isaac: What?

Stiles: You just said that you saw Erica's body.

Me: Body count now 3.

Derek: She's not dead!

Me: She's totally dead. Haven't you seen the end of the episode yet Derek? But guess who isn't dead!

Derek: Who was in the vault with Boyd then?

Scott: Maybe it was the Attractive Black Lady?

Isaac: Naw, it's definitely a Werewolf in there. Hey, wouldn't it be funny if it was Derek's long lost sister? Someone our own age who I could fall in love with?

Derek: So how do we break into a bank fault?

Stiles: With the power of the internet!

* * *

Me: Well this has to be the first time that the internet is has failed anybody. Surely that's a sign that you're all going to die.

Sheriff: Boys, time to get up.

Me: How is it even possible to fall asleep like that?

Allison: I need to find something real. (Stares at the bolt cutters in her trunk before walking past Scott/Stiles)

Me: How on earth did the two of them get the two closest parking spaces to the school a second before the bell rings? Bull. Shit.

* * *

Me: Aww, look at Allison breaking into a bank all by herself. I can't figure out what Allison's deal is this season. First she seems all meek and now she's breaking into a bank full of Alphas. I really want her to just make up her mind. You can be a badass who plays by her own rules. It's okay. It's called redemption.

Allison (Slips into the bank without trouble)

Me: Wouldn't the doors be chained, AND locked? Whatever.

Stiles: And this is how we're going to break into the vault!

Derek: I can totally punch through that wall.

Stiles: Totally can't.

Derek: (Breaks Stiles' hand)

Peter: This is stupid. Erica and Boyd are already dead. They were sweet kids. They will be missed.

Stiles: Will somebody please kill him again?

Peter: Derek, seriously.

Derek: You did steal the last Klondike bar.

Peter: Drk. Pls.

Allison: Look at me, being all badass!

Me: You're breaking into a bank full of Alphas on a full moon! Not only that, but you aren't even armed!

Attractive Black Lady: (Jumps Allison from behind)

Allison: Rather quickly subdued.

Me: Wait, you aren't the Attractive Black Lady! You're Ms. Morell! I mean, you are an attractive black lady, just not MY attractive black lady. Okay, I'll shut up now.

Ms. Morell: You have no idea what you just stepped into.

Me: Well neither do we. Although I must say that it is pretty hot the way Ms. Morell is holding Allison against that wall.

Allison: Um, excuse me, but I am a badass hunter. I am a strong, independent woman and I don't need no Werewolves or guidance counselors taking care of me.

Ms. Morell: Get in that God damn closet!

Allison: Okay.

Alpha Chick: ?

Allison: (Knocks over bottle of Ammonia)

Me: Okay, that was actually pretty freaking genius right there.

Allison: (Tries to eat her phone)

Me: Again with the product placement.

Allison: (Shines her light into the corner)

Erica: Very much dead.

Me: Confirmed Body Count, 1.

* * *

Stiles: I hate waiting.

Peter: I could beat you unconscious and wake you when it's over.

Me: Lol.

Stiles: Do you think Erica is really dead?

Peter: Do you think I really care?

Stiles: Maybe they're living in the bank? Like a wolf den.

Peter: Wolf Dens? You mean like the underground system of caves hidden deep in the woods.

Me: Watch there actually be an underground system of cave out in the woods.

Peter: Wait, what are the bank walls made out of?

Stiles: I dunno; let's look inside this textbook sized manual.

* * *

Scott: Risk and Reward.

Derek: Which means what?

Me: If you had finished high school you would know what Derek.

Scott: Maybe this isn't a good idea.

Derek: When is anything we ever do a good idea? You coming or not?

Scott: Hell yeah!

Derek: Good. Hard Core Parkor! (Starts scaling the wall)

Stiles: The walls are made out of (Insert unspellable/unpronounceable rock name here).

Red Queen: You're all going to die down there.

Alice: I've heard that before.

Me: OMG, a Teen Wolf/ Resident Evil fic. Somebody please write that.

* * *

Vault Wall: Breaks

Derek: Rolls out, clearly landing on rubble and easily passing over the line of mountain ash along the walls.

Me: Does that mean the ash needs to be in a completed circle to work?

Scott: (Steps in less dramatically and answers his phone)

Stiles: Get guys need to get out, or you're all going to die!

Derek: Cora?

First Time Viewers: Whaaaaattttt?

Cora: Derek, get out of my room! Gosh!

Scott: (Notices the mountain ash) OMG, we're so screwed.

Ms. Morell: Yup. (Seals the circle)

Scott: Well our next guidance meeting is going to be a fun one, I can just tell.

Cora: (Eyes flash yellow)

Me: What does it mean?!

Cora/Boyd: (Attacks Scott and Derek)

Stiles: (Yells into the phone before it goes silent) Bitch hung up on me!

Blind Alpha: Don't kid yourself Marian. It's not the first time you've gotten your hands dirty.

Me: Arrggg. So much back story that we don't know! We know she isn't a complete traitor since she didn't rat out Allison and left it so Allison could rescue them later, but still…

Scott: You know her?

Derek: She's my sister, my younger sister!

First Time Viewers: Whaaaaattttt?

Me: Well this season just got interesting.

Allison: Look out!

Scott: (Proceeds to get the shit (and blood) beaten out of him)

Allison: (Breaks the seal) Boyd!

Boyd/ Cora: (Runs out)

Me: She is so lucky they didn't stop to rip her throat out.

Derek: OMG Allison you are so stupid!

Allison: Well I'm not the one turning teenagers into killers.

Me: Ohhh, burn!

Derek: No, that's just the rest of your family.

Me: Ohhhhhhhh. Double burn!

Allison: Like that was my fault.

Derek: Oh yeah? Well Yo Mama!

Me: Is Derek seriously about to break out the yo mama jokes at a time like this?

Allison: What does he mean Scott?

Scott: (Has blood dripping all down his mouth) Uh.

Me: And que the cliff hanger!

* * *

Lydia: (Asleep fully clothed and in an awkward postion) EEEYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Me: (Bursts out laughing)

Cailin: Why is that funny?

Me: I have no idea. It just was.

* * *

Next Time, on Teen Wolf

A lot of bad things happen and we might get some answers. Maybe. Probably not though.

Reviews are nice. Reviews remind me of Cake. Anyway, feel free to let me know your theories about what will happen next!


	3. Fireflies

Okay, I got this out kinda late, but at least it's before the next episode.

Thanks to DevilMadeYouCry, Selvet, Neptune19, Wait. .YOU, LoveK, AlrightHaterFloorsYours. I was very happy with all the reviews. :)

* * *

Teen Wolf Season Three Viewathon

Fireflies

Me: Episode three. Let's do this.

Little Boy: Got one!

Me: Aww, look at that cute little kid and his sister catching fireflies!

Older Sister: What are you doing dumbass?

Me: Annnnnnnnd moment gone.

Older Sister: (Smiles and runs into a Disneyesque scene of fireflies)

Me: Moment back?

Boyd: Grrrr.

Me: Nope. STRANGER DANGER!

Little Boy: Eeekk.

Older Sister: Billy?

Me: His name would be Billy. And que the running montage. How on earth are they outrunning an angry werewolf?

Older Sister: Quick, into this random shed in the middle of the woods!

Little Boy: We are so screwed!

Older Sister: Shut up shut up shut up!

Boyd: Arrrg.

Bottle of Fireflies: Attack the Werewolf!

Me: Didn't that kid drop his bottle of Fireflies? And I thought he had only caught one? And why are they attacking Boyd?

Scott: Derek! I'm all alone and I'm scared and I miss you!

Derek: Fine, we'll work together, even though we probably should have been doing that to begin with.

* * *

Lydia: Ugh, I fell asleep in my clothes again. How strange! Damn it, I'm out of drugs! Mom, I'm going out to get more drugs! (Pauses) Huh, a full moon. That means that there are probably several super natural psychos out right now and I should probably stay inside…oh well. I need my drugs.

Me: Oh Holland, you so silly.

Scott: Running montage!

Derek: Running montage!

Lydia: (Gets out of her car while texting) Wait a sec, this isn't my drug dealer's house.

Me: And that kids, is why you should never text and drive. But seriously, wtf Lydia?

Lydia: OMG!

Body: Lying in the pool.

Lyida: Omg, omg, please don't be dead.

Me: Naw, I'm sure he's just holding his breath. In a pool at night. Alone. For several minutes.

Lydia: (Pulls over body) Oh what a relief! It's just a blow up doll that looks like Tyler Posey!

Me: Oh look! Large amounts of blood that wasn't there a second ago!

Lydia: (Looks up at the torn body of the life guard) Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

Me: Lydia sure does a lot of screaming this season. Anyway, Death Count 4.

* * *

Me: (Cue sad music) Great, this must be an Allison scene.

Flashback –

Allison: She tried killing you.

Scott: Yeah.

Allison: Why didn't you tell me?

Me: Because instead of asking him what happened that night, you just decided to try and kill every Werewolf you came across instead.

Scott: I couldn't. I couldn't let that be the last memory that you had of her.

Me: Oh my God Scott, that has to be the sweetest thing eva!1111! Oh look, a dead Erica!

Flashback Ends –

Allison: Right, time to become a badass!

Me: Y'know, apart from that flashback, Allison doesn't say a word though out the entire episode.

* * *

Pretty Girl 1: (Lighting candles inside a tent)

Me: OMG, are you trying to catch the tent on fire?! WTH?

Pretty Girl 2: (Jumps into the tent)

Me: Lesbians. Calling it.

Pretty Girls: (Begin kissing)

Me: Called it! And feeling more justified as a guy for watching a show called Teen Wolf.

Nice Lesbian 2: Ew, giant bug!

Me: Well you are in the woods…

Lesbian 2: Eeeekkkkk!

Me: There is so much screaming this episode!

Tent: (Covered in bugs)

Lesbian 2: (Runs out of the tent only to be covered in bugs)

Lesbian 1: Emily, wait!

Emily: (Runs off creaming until she trips on a rock)

Me: And she's going to die.

Lesbian 1: (Looks for 10 seconds, then runs off)

Emily: (Gets swarmed by bugs and then disappears)

Me: What the fuck just happened? Death Count 5?

Lesbian 1: (Looks behind her and see's Cora walk out of the shadows.

Me: Death Count 6?

Isaac: (Leaps into the battle)

Me: I guess no Death Count adage…Isaac what the fuck are you wearing? Is that a scarf?

Isaac: This scarf makes me a badass!

Cora: No it doesn't! (Punches him)

Isaac: (Hits the tree) Ophff.

Scott: Iac, pls. (Takes out Cora)

Derek: (Snarls) Cora, got to your room, you're grounded!

Cora: You aren't the boss of me! (Runs off)

Scott: (Notices Lesbian 2) Run for your life!

* * *

Stiles: Lydia, you are you okay?

Lydia: (Shaking, probably from withdrawal from her drugs, or maybe just a combination of shock and cold, but most likely from withdrawal) Uh, hello? I just found a dead body!

Stiles: Right, I'm going to call my dad.

Lydia: I already called 911.

Stiles: You called the police before you called me?

Lydia: I'm supposed to call you first whenever I find a dead body?

Stiles: YES!

Scott: You sure?

Stiles: Yep, throat ripped out, blood everywhere.

Scott: Can you check the body?

Stiles: (Inspects the body and sees the purity ring)

Me: Bummer dude.

Derek: That doesn't make any sense, the public pool is on the other side of town. Boyd and Cora haven't been over there all night!

Scott: Derek, they killed him!

Me: No they didn't, you know for a fact they didn't have the time. Not every dead body you find is the result of Werewolf violence.

Scott: They killed someone. And it's our fault!

Me: How on earth is it your fault? I can't honestly see how you could think it's your fault!

Derek: It's my fault.

Me: Why does it have to be anyone's fault?

Derek: We have Isaac now.

Scott: We need real help.

Isaac: Dude.

Derek: Maybe we should just kill them.

Me: Uh, Derek? Cora is your little sister. The only family you have left besides your crazy uncle Peter. You really want to kill her?

Scott: We need the Argents.

* * *

Police Lady: So Caitlin, were the two of you drinking?

Caitlin (Lesbian 1): We split of tab of X.

Me: You should give the name of your drug dealer to Lydia. She's in the market.

Caitlin: Look, I saw Werewolves!

Sheriff: Hmm. Interesting.

Me: Uh oh, papa is figuring stuff out!

* * *

Chris: (Drops the eggs) It's always the one with the eggs… Whips out a gun.

Scott: Uhhh. Hi.

Isaac: Do you think this is going to work?

Derek: Nope.

Isaac: Me neither. (Pauses) So uh, your sister.

Derek: (Gives Isaac the look)

Isaac: Sorry, uh, bad timing. I'll ask later, it's fine.

Derek: (Gives Isaac the look again)

Isaac: Or never.

Me: And that, is my favorite bit of the entire season.

Scott: Soooo, is there a reason that the gun is still pointed at me?

Chris: There's still some part of me that wants to shoot you.

Scott: I get that.

Me: Well you did steal his daughter's virginity…

Chris: Scott, I have lost almost my entire family to your world. I'm sorry, I can't help you.

Me: Yes you can, you just don't want to!

Scott: Uhhh, you think you can just do me one kind of tiny favor?

Chris: (Gives Scott the look)

Scott: (Gets into the car with Chris)

Me: Well that's not going to be an awkward car ride.

Chris: (Pulls up to the crime scene)

Me: Nicely done Scott, though it's pretty obvious to Chris as to what you just did. Way to give him a reason to hate werewolves again.

Chris: Okay, I'll help. But I'll only do it reluctantly and with snark.

* * *

Chris: Tracking by print?

Scott: Trying to.

Chris: Well you're wasting your time. There's only one kind of creature that can track foot prints. Man.

Me: Well that's convenient since they're Werewolves…

Chris: (Begins lecturing about all the ways he is better than Werewolves)

Allison: (Has a montage of doing Hunter-like things that doesn't actually help anyone)

The Group: (Begin walking in slow motion up a hill out of the mist)

Me: MTV, what are you doing?

Cailin: That's stupid.

Me: Agreed. And now Chris has a stupid scarf too.

The Group: (Looks out over Beacon Hills)

Chris: We should trap them in the school.

Isaac: What about the boiler room?

Chris: Are you sure the school is empty?

Scott: Uh, yes?

Me: Well it does look to be close to dawn…

Ms. Blake: (Doing paper work of some kind in her classroom)

Me: Who does that? It's the first week of school! It's not like you have anything to grade!

Chris: Ultra sonic transmitters. Blah blah blah. I get pleasure out of your pain.

Pack: Argggggggggg.

Isaac: Anyone want to rethink the plan where we just kill them?

Me: And cue the running montages again.

Chris: I'm such a badass, I'm not even going to get out of my car. I'm just going to drop the transmitter out the window and hope it works.

Scott: Hard Core Parkor! (Does a flip off a school bus)

Me: There is way too much slow motion in this episode.

* * *

Lydia: You didn't have to follow me home.

Stiles: Uh Hello? I'm in love with you…

Lydia: I had a police escort.

Stiles: And I happen to know that police escort and they just happen to suck.

Lydia: Well you also didn't have to follow me into my room.

Me: Or course he did. He's Stiles.

Stiles: Uh yeah, I don't have an answer for that.

Lydia: I have no clue as to how I ended up finding that body.

Me: I do. It's because you're a freak Lydia. But that's okay, because Stiles and I both still love you.

Stiles: But the last time something like this happened…Peter.

* * *

Peter: And the hunted becomes the hunter.

Derek: ERMAGOD, go away Peter, no one likes you.

Peter: This is a waste of time.

Derek: Cora's alive.

Peter: So?

Me: Proof that Peter does not have a heart. Geez, you think that he'd support wanting to keep Cora alive, despite the fact that she's killing people. It's not like he has any room to judge.

Peter: So what if they off a few homeless people…

Me: Ohh, so Peter does care. I think…?

Peter: You and I Derek, we live in shades of gray.

Me: Hopefully not 50 shades of it.

Peter: You can always make more Werewolves.

Me: No he can't, no other actors have been signed on besides Cora and the Alpha pack. SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW PETER!

* * *

Stiles: Sup

Mrs. McCall: Wanna see a dead body?

Stiles: Sure?

Mrs. McCall: And if you tell anyone that I showed you this I will kill you. Painfully.

Me: This is your idea after all Melissa.

Mrs. McCall: See this? It means he was strangled.

Stiles: What kind of Werewolf strangles someone?

Mrs. McCall: And then there's this.

Stiles: Is that brain matter? Yeah, that's brain matter…

Mrs. McCall someone bashed him in the back of the head. Whoever it was seriously wanted this kid dead. Oh, and that girl over there.

Me: So far this seems like a serial killer. If it wasn't for the nature of this show, that's what I would think. This is strange since all of the villains that we know about in this series are all Werewolves, if you count Gerard.

* * *

Chris: Do you see that?

Scott: Yeah, it's a firefly.

Chris: No… the California Fireflies aren't luminescent.

Me: Wouldn't that make them not fireflies? And if you don't have fireflies in northern California, then why are Billy and his sister out catching them like it's normal and clearly Scott doesn't see anything unusual about it. I'm sensing a plot hole…

Scott: So does that mean something?

Chris: …

Me: Damn it! I want answers!

Werewolves: Running montage.

Me: Quit with the montages!

Derek: Where are they?

Isaac: (Hears them behind him) Fuck.

Scott: They aren't going over the school. They're going over it.

Me: Well that plan sucked.

* * *

Heather: Very much dead.

Me: Nice to have a confirmed death count for once.

Mrs. McCall: Stiles? Oh my God, did you know her?

Stiles: Her name is Heather… (Has a revelation) Are there any more bodies or missing people?

Mrs. McCall: There's a missing Lesbian wandering the wood now that you mention it…

Stiles: I think I know what's happening.

Scott: Someone needs to get the rear doors open.

Isaac: I'll go chase them in.

Allison: (Firing flash arrows at Boyd and Cora)

Me: Wow! Allison is actually helping for once!

Isaac: (Sees Allison)

Allison: (Runs off)

Me: Would it kill Jeff Davis to slow things down for once and let us know what the characters are actually doing?

* * *

Boyd/Cora: (Chase after Derek and Scott)

Me: Whoa, their eyes are actually glowing like flashlights. I thought they just reflected light.

Boyd/Cora: Grrrrrrrr. (Gets attacked by a fire extinguisher and acts like it's killing them)

Scott/Derek: BOLT.

Scott: Whoa, did that actually just work?

Derek: We rock!

Scott: Heart beats…

Derek: Both of them?

Scott: Three of them.

Derek: Fuck.

Ms. Blake: Hello? Is someone there?

Me: Why do they keep the paper in the boiler room under the school? And why is she still there? It's like ten minutes to sunrise! This makes no sense! This episode has too many plot holes!

* * *

Caitlin: We weren't doing anything that bad… just sex and drugs.

Me: Drugs are bad kids. Mmkay.

Caitlin: We wanted it to be romantic.

Me: Why is she even talking to them about this? I wouldn't talk about my sex life with a complete stranger while I'm in the hospital and my significant other is missing. I'd be calling security.

Stiles: Because it was her first time.

Caitlin: They're going to find her right?

Me: Nope. I've already added her to my Death Count. She's toast.

Stiles/Mrs. McCall: … uh…

* * *

Derek: Close the door behind me and keep it shut.

Scott: You go in there alone and you're either going to kill them, or they'll kill you.

Me: Trailer quote!

Ms. Blake: (Just standing there)

Boyd/Cora: Grrrrr.

Ms. Blake: Oh shit.

Derek: SHOVE (Cue the Werewolf fighting scene)

Boyd/Cora: (Literally shredding Derek to pieces)

Me: Bummer.

Isaac: Suns coming up…

Me: So Ms. Blake stayed there the whole night. Wouldn't her students notice her wearing the same thing the next day? And school sure is going to suck tomorrow. Or today. Hey, you all have class in like two hours…and wouldn't that mean other staff members would be getting to the school? I've been at school pretty early, usually someone is there… oh whatever. This is MTV. I give up.

Isaac: (Rushes down the stairs)

Me: Hey! Werewolves CAN actually go down stairs! I thought all they could do was leap down them!

Boyd/Cora: (Unconscious)

Derek: There's a teacher. I'll take care of her. Get them out of here.

Me: Uh, Derek? News flash, but you aren't very good with your words. You sure you want to handle this?

Ms. Blake: (Sitting in the corner and looking like she regrets becoming a teacher)

Derek: (Walks in completely bloody and offers his hand)

Me: Awwwww. Love at first bite….get it? Okay, I'll shut up now.

* * *

Scott: So Boyd and Cora might not have killed anyone?

Stiles: No… but someone did. And they're going to find that other girl Emily. All three were virgins.

Me: Oh shit, you're so fucked Stiles. Damn you MTV for promoting sex to underage teenagers!

Stiles: They're all going to have the same three injuries. Strangled. Throat Slashed. Head Bashed in.

Me: Trailer quote!

Stiles: It's called the three fold death.

Scott: What does it mean!?

Stiles: Sacrifices. Human sacrifices.

* * *

Me: Alright, theory time. Who is killing who? Whoever it was has control over wine bottle and bugs. That doesn't exactly narrow it down. The fact that Lydia discovered a body randomly makes me think Peter. I wouldn't be surprised if this was a sick way for him to regain power. It doesn't really feel like the Alpha pack, although I could just as easily be wrong. That leaves Gerard. I'm inclined to believe Gerard is damaged in some way. This kind of power seems beyond him, although it could be a way to fix whatever damage was done. Or you know, it could be someone completely new. We have too many villains in this show. I love it.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	4. Unleashed

Sorry this is late. Well it's not super late since the next episode doesn't come on until tonight, but you get the jist.

* * *

Teen Wolf Season Three Viewathon

Unleashed

Concerned Dog Owner: It's not going to hurt him is it?

Deaton: Just a little.

Me: Or a lot. This might hurt is the tagline after all.

Scott: That dog's got a cool name.

Me: Yeah he does. I wish my name was Bullet.

Concerned Dog Owner: Military family. Looks like he knows who the Alpha is.

Scott: Me? An alpha? That's silly. You're silly.

Bullet: (Runs off into a dark alley)

Me: Is it just me or is Beacon Hills getting more and more sketchy as the season goes on?

Concerned Dog Owner: (Runs after is dog)

* * *

Scott: I found something.

Me: Deaton made you check the stool sample? Gross.

Deaton: Definitely poisonous… for the dog. And actually for you as well.

Scott: Wolfsbane?

Deaton: Mistletoe.

Me: This show just gets weirder and weirder.

Concerned Dog Owner: (Slowly walks down the alley)

Me: Dude, get over yourself. Walk down the alley, grab your dog and leave. It shouldn't take you that long.

Concerned Dog Owner: (Looks under the dumpster and sticks his hand under it) Son of a bitch! Did you just bite me? (Looks over and sees his dog standing a couple of feet away)

Me: Death Count 6, already calling it.

Concerned Dog Owner: (Looks back under the dumpster)

Creepy Voice: Closer…

Me: Dude, what the hell are you doing? It sounds like a freaking Baskalisk from Harry Potter under there. Getting closer would be the last thing I would be doing.

Bullet: Bark bark!

Scott: Hey look, that guy's dog. I'm just going to take this now…

Me: Scott should totally keep that dog. Also we now know that this season's villain is small enough to fit under a dumpster. Time to invest in rat traps.

* * *

Ms. Blake: I feel like something's trying to kill me.

Derek: Uh, hi.

Ms. Blake: Back off, I have a ruler!

Derek: I was going to see if you were okay.

Me: Awwwww. That's saying a lot since you were the one covered in blood last time you saw her.

Ms. Blake: I'm just dandy. My therapist says otherwise.

Derek: (Smiles)

Me: Holy crap Derek just smiled. He is in love.

Derek: I think you're going to be okay.

Me: Classroom sex!

Ms. Blake: Obviously you haven't taught high school.

Me: Shit, I should really change my major…

Ms. Blake: Who are you?

Derek: Derek.

Ms. Blake: Jennifer.

Me: Oh my God the amount of sexual tension in that two minutes of screen time…

* * *

Scott: It was weird, the dude left his car and his dog.

Stiles: Could he have been a virgin?

Scott: Definitely not, Deaton makes me have sex with all of his clients. It's a new policy and I love it.

Stiles: Well he's probably dead. Because he was a virgin. And you know who else is a virgin? Me!

Me: Cough cough, let's keep me out of the story.

Stiles: I need to have sex right now!

Danny: Alright I'll do it.

Stiles: What?

Danny: Come to my place at nine. Plan to stay the night. I like to cuddle.

Stiles: That was so sweet. Are you kidding?

Danny: Yes! I'm kidding.

Stiles: You don't toy with a guy's emotion like that Danny. It's unattractive.

Me: Danny/Stiles future fanfics avoided. Although probably not really.

Coach: I'll remind you that cross country in not optional for lacrosse players.

Me: Yes! Fun fact about me, I love cross country. Let's go people, get running!

Coach: I don't need you all turning into a bunch of fat asses in the off season.

Isaac/ Danny: (Shirtless and showing off their spray painted on abs)

Me: Hey Jeff Davis said it, not me!

Isaac: Oh boy, I love XC!

Alpha Twins: (Get on either side of him)

Me: Watch out Isaac, you're about to get double teamed! Wait, no, not like that…

Scott: Isaac…

Isaac: It's them! (Runs off)

Alpha Twins: (Running montage, showing off their Nike brand clothing)

Isaac: Huh, it looks like I chased them into the next county. Haha, get it? Cross County.

Aiden: Ethan, I always forget. How many bones are there in the human body?

Ethan: I don't know. Let's count! (Gets punched)

Scott: That's one.

Isaac: I'm up. I'm good.

Ethan: (Pulls his jaw back into place)

Me: Tag team Werewolf fight!

Girl: Eeeeekkkkkkkkkkk.

Scott: (Runs off towards the scream)

Me: So the twins just let you leave? Did you say, "Sorry guys, let's take a rain check on this beating"

Concerned Dog Owner: Very dead.

Sherriff: Get back, all you! Get this area cornered off.

Coach: You heard the man, nothing to see here!

Me: What are you talking about? There's a dead body right there!

Coach: It's probably just some homeless kid…

Scott: Uh, he was a senior.

Coach: Shit… He wasn't on the team was he?

Me: I was going to say since you seem to be the gym teacher you should know most of the school's students, but never mind.

Hysterical Hot Girl: Kyle!

Alpha Twins: (Looks at each other)

Isaac: Did you see the way the twins looked at him.

Stiles: Like the way that they have no idea what happened to him?

Me: I'm siding with Stiles on this one.

Isaac: No way, they knew.

Stiles: Am I the only one noticing the lack of Werewolfitude in these murders?

Isaac: Scott?

Scott: Whoa, since when did I become the leader? I dunno what's going on.

Isaac: Well I don't care. I'm going to kill them too.

* * *

Cora: (Doing pull ups)

Derek: Stop. You're not done healing.

Me: She's not done healing? You're the one who got slashed to ribbons.

Cora: I came back for this? I can't believe I got my ass thrown in a vault for three months you.

Me: Three months? Was Erica dead in that closet for three months? Did Boyd seriously not talk to you for three months? Were all of you chummy? And how about coming back because the only remaining members of your family that are still alive are there.

Cora: All those rumors I heard. A powerful new alpha. One of the Hales. Building a pack. Do you know how long I waited to hear something like that?

Me: Am I the only one curious to know who is spreading these rumors?

Cora: Do you have any idea how it felt to find out that you were alive?

Me: Well considering that he thought you were dead too, I'm guessing that he does.

Derek: I'm sorry to disappoint you.

Alarm: Beep.

Cora: What's that?

Derek: Trouble.

Ennis: Grrr.

Cora: I got this shit. (PWNED)

Ennis: Ready for a rematch?

Kali: Grrr.

Me: Alpha fight!

Kali: (Grabs the pole and starts beating the shit out of Derek with it) Stabby time!

Derek: (Gets impaled)

Me: Oh God that hurts. Forget about might, that definitely hurts.

Deucalion: (Awkwardly walks down the stairs) Is everybody done here? Let's chat.

Me: Okay, so being a Werewolf would give your other senses a huge boost. Does he really need that cane? Probably not. So why does he bother with it?

* * *

Ms. Morrell: Look at me speaking French.

Me: So does every teacher in this school teach two different classes?

Allison: (Asleep)

Me: So how much time has passed since the last episode? It can't be one night because we see Boyd back in school. One doesn't disappear for four months and then go back to school the next day. Allison should have caught up on her sleep by now.

Ms. Morrell/Mrs. Argent: ALLISON!

Me: Holy shit that freaked me out. Allison's mom scared the crap out of me last season. That pencil sharpener…

Ms. Morrell: You're starting to concern me Allison. Maybe we should chat in the guidance office some time.

Allison: Or maybe you should tell me what you were doing at the bank last night.

Me: So that did happen last night. Everyone stayed up the entire night, Ms. Blake went home and then went back to the school, Boyd did his thing, and everyone still went to school the next day? Jeff, what are you doing?

Ms. Morrell: Maybe you should tell me what you were doing there.

Me: I like how Ms. Morrell was being all shifty about it and Allison just threw it out there. So does she know about Allison being a hunter? If so that would be pretty self-explanatory.

Ms. Morrell: Lunch time detention.

Me: You can do that? But students need to eat…

Allison: Bitch, I will fuck you up.

* * *

Mr. Harris: Look, I know Physics!

Me: Oh crap, are they still trying to teach up stuff?

Isaac: Mr. Harris can I use the bathroom please?

Scott: I have to go to the bathroom too!

Mr. Harris: Fuck you Scott. Now sit down.

Isaac: Whoa, both twins in one spot. I think I'll go take them both on by myself.

Aiden: (Punch)

Ethan: (Proceeds to take a beating with a smile on his face)

Me: That's some pretty fucked up shit right there.

Mr. Harris: Isaac! What the hell did you do?

Danny: (Runs to Ethan's side)

Isaac: I didn't do anything! Even though I originally planned to…

* * *

Deucalion: Sorry about this Derek… I asked Kali to be gentle.

Kali: This is me being gentle.

Me: Well you suck at it.

Derek: Let her go.

Deucalion: See? We're not unreasonable.

Me: You do realize that you are talking to Derek, who is currently impaled.

Deucalion: I'm a man with far more vision than simple murder.

Me: Haha, eyesight joke.

* * *

Scott: Don't worry about it now. It's just lunch time detention.

Me: He supposedly beat the shit out of someone and all he got was lunch time detention? At my old school, that would have been ten day suspension automatically.

Aiden: So Lydia, if you aren't doing anything later you could do me.

Scott: For some reason that pisses me off!

Stiles: (Spying on his dad) Hey, Ashley, I know your boyfriend just died and all, but was he a virgin?

Me: Oh my God Stiles, you can't just go around asking people if they're virgins.

Ashley: (SMACK!)

Stiles: (Looks stunned, even though he kinda dissevered it)

Ashley: No, he wasn't.

Me: And there goes that theory.

Sheriff: I've got four murders Stiles!

Me: Y'know in reality, if they found a dead student just off the school grounds, school would have been closed.

* * *

Cora: You're killing him!

Kali: (Begins to move the pole around)

Me: That's just gross.

Deucalion: I'm all about discovering new talents.

Me: Anyone else notice the three lines on his shirt sleeve look a lot like Scott's tattoo?

Derek: You want me to kill my own pack?

Deucalion: Noooo! I want you to kill one of them. Do that and I won't have to ask you to kill the others. You'll do that on your own. That's what we all did and look how fabulous we all are!

* * *

Mr. Harris: You two, restock the janitor's closet.

Isaac: Uh, does it have to be with her? She once stabbed me with a bunch of knives.

Mr. Harris: Yes, you do, in the hopes that she'll do it again.

Stiles: (Inspects the memorial) Boyd! I didn't know you were back in school!

Boyd: I would have told you, but we're not actually friends.

Me: Alright, couple of points here. One, you went missing for four months and then went on a rampage that lasted all night, and then you're back to school the next day? Not likely. Two, for someone always bitching about not having any friends, you sure don't try very hard to make any.

Boyd: I only had one friend. She's dead too.

Me: So you and Cora spent three months in a bank fault together and didn't become friends? I simply can't feel sorry for you. You're just too stupid.

Isaac/Allison: (Walks awkwardly into the janitor's closet)

Allison: Are you okay?

Isaac: Yeah, I'm just not a fan of small spaces.

Allison: Can I ask you a question?

Isaac: Do you have to?

Allison: I guess not. But I'm going to anyway.

Me: Ugh.

Allison: Did you tell anyone that I was at the school the other night?

Isaac: No, was I supposed to?

Allison: It would make me really happy if you didn't.

Isaac: Yeah well, your happiness isn't a real big priority of mine since you stabbed me. About twenty times…

Me: Oh come on dude. It was like four or six times. And one arrow. Surely you're over that by now.

Allison: (Shrugs, slightly proud of herself) They were actually Chinese ring daggers, but sorry.

Isaac: Was that an apology?

Allison: Would you accept an apology?

Me: OMG, this is borderline flirting. Jeff Davis, STOP RIGHT NOW.

Door: (Slams shut)

Allison: Maybe it locked from the outside.

Isaac: No, there's something up against it.

Outside Door: (Vending machine)

Isaac: (Begins to freak out)

Me: Couldn't you just use your Werewolf strength to rip down the door? Or the wall? Or hell, go through the ceiling. Peter did in Season 1 when they were trapped in the school.

Isaac: (Wolfs out and attacks Allison)

Scott: ISAAC, BAD DOG! STAY! HEEL!

Me: Way to assert your Alphanish Scott.

Allison: I'm okay, it's just two giant ass claw marks on my arm. Nothing you haven't done to me in bed.

Isaac: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry.

Me: Well at least you're even now.

Allison: It's not his fault.

Scott: I know. And now we're going to get them angry. Really angry.

Me: Yes, go piss off a pack of Alphas. It's not like they could take it out on all of your loved ones and then try and kill you.

* * *

Stiles: Guess what Lydia, its dead baby day! But wait, now dead baby day is every day! Yay!

Lydia: Why are you telling me this?

Stiles: Because Scott's dealing with the Alpha twins.

Lydia: Alpha twins?

Stiles: You know, Aiden and Ethan?

Lydia: Oh yeah, I know about them…

Me: I love how Lydia still has no clue as to what's going on still. Of course we hardly know what's going on either…

Stiles: Anyway, the deaths are coming in threes. First it could be three virgins, next it could be three people who own little dogs.

Lydia: I own a little dog.

Stiles: …

Lydia: I am not getting rid of my little dog.

Stiles: Just think about getting rid of your little dog.

Lydia: Nope.

Stiles: But people are dying.

Lydia: Yes, but in a human way. Maybe you should leave the figuring out to a human.

Me: Uhhhh.

Stiles: You mean like my dad?

Lydia: No, I mean your dad.

* * *

Allison: (Hotwiring the motorcycle)

Isaac: Wow, I think I might have a crush on Allison.

Me: Noooooo.

Fans: Yessssss.

Isaac: Yo! Take a picture of me on the motorcycle. I want this going on facebook.

Mrs. Blake: Settle down.

Me: Since when are the twins in Scott's English class? I thought Lydia and Stiles are supposed to be in there too.

Scott: Look! Spiny!

Aiden: (Hears his motorcycle)

Mrs. Blake: (Writing about Great Expectations on the board)

Me: Good thing Scott already read that while doing one armed pull ups…

Stunt Double Dressed in Isaac's Clothes: Weeeeeeeeee.

Aiden: Get off my bike!

Me: Didn't this school have a shit load of cameras in the hallway?

Isaac: Check me out! Hardcore Parkor!

Mrs. Blake: Are you fucking retarded?

Scott's Eyebrows: Bump.

* * *

Deaton: You're out of school early.

Stiles: Free period actually.

Me: And your school just lets you leave? I had to sneak past security whenever I wanted to skip a class.

Stiles: I guess you've heard that people are kinda getting murdered again.

Me: I just hate it when people start getting murdered again.

Stiles: Anyway, I just wanted to ask you to TELL US EVERYTHING YOU KNOW.

* * *

Pole: (Bright and shiny with Derek's blood)

Deucalion: You see, the reason I'm always invested in new talent is simple. It's so I can kill my other Alphas whenever I feel like it and I'll always have someone new.

Cora: (Looking a bit shifty)

Me: Wouldn't it be wild if she was a secret agent for the Alphas?

Deucalion: I learned something new. When an Alpha kills a beta, he gets their powers.

Me: That would actually explain why you set it up so Derek would have to kill Boyd at the bank. But still, I feel like the power boost in killing your beta would be more widely known. Power struggles happen in packs all the time.

Deucalion: (Does the blind thing where they feel your face) You were right Kali. He looks like his mother.

Me: Wait, what?

Deucalion: You've never seen anything like me. I am the alpha of alphas. I am the apex of apex predators. I AM DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS! I. AM. THE DEMON WOLF!1111!11!

Me: Holy shit…

Deucalion: (Takes off his broken glasses) I hate it when that happens.

* * *

Lydia: (Drawing a tree)

Me: An oak tree I'm guessing?

Danny: Wow, that's really good.

Lydia: I know right?

Danny: You should be in art class.

Lydia: Maybe.

Danny: Since you're not in music.

Lydia: Wait, what?

Me: And this Lydia black out moment has been brought to you by a dead music teach.

Danny: Fifteen minute rule. Guess we can leave.

Me: Yeah, in college maybe. Not high school…

Lydia: (Becomes award of music)

Me: Oh, I thought that was just creepy twilight zone music. But no, now we get to see some more AT&T product placement.

Lydia: (Starts to hear chanting)

Me: Okay, now that's creepy. Does that mean there's a group of bad guys who chant?

* * *

Stiles: All the symbols are from the Celtic Druids, and everybody knows that the Druids just loved celebrating dead baby day.

Deaton: Look, mistletoe.

Stiles: Uhh.

Deaton: When you've spent the last ten years trying to push something away, lying about it. It becomes a pretty powerful habit.

Me: Which of course is what Stiles has been doing for the past two seasons.

Stiles: So it's a Druid?

Deaton: No, it's a copycat killer.

Stiles: Lydia, for once, I don't want to talk to you right now.

Lydia: But Stiles, someone just died, and I thought you told me to call you whenever someone died…

Me: Are those normal fingernail marks on the piano, or claw marks? Hmmm.

Deaton: (Magically at the high school) Each grouping of three would have its own purpose.

Stiles: Oh shit, the pattern is military.

Lydia: Oh shit, I just thought of something.

Deaton: Lydia?

Me: Wait, has Deaton even ever met Lydia before this scene?

Sign: A cadet will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.

Me: Seriously? Mr. Harris? The biggest douchebag in Beacon Hills now that Jackson's gone? When has he ever followed any of those rules?

Mr. Harris: (Glances at a paper, then gives it a D)

Creepy Voices from Lost: Whisper whisper whisper.

Me: And now the Death Count is 8, even though we never actually see number seven's body.

* * *

Isaac: I wished I could have seen their faces.

Me: Well now you can.

Twins: (One takes off his shirt)

Scott: Uhhh.

Me: My thoughts exactly.

Twins: Wonder Twins, Unite!

Me: So how does the whole pants thing work? Do their pants get magically bigger? Are they wearing two pairs now? And what about their shoes?

Isaac: We can take them.

Scott: Are you fucking crazy? BOLT.

Deucalion: (Just walking down the hallway)

Me: How did he get to the school? Oh God, I hope he didn't drive there.

Deucalion: (Takes off the cap to the world's tiniest blade)

Twins: (Are cut, then they walk away still shirtless)

Isaac: Who the hell was that?

Scott: The dude who's going to fuck us all up in the near future.

* * *

Deaton: He might NOT be dead yet.

Me: Too late, he's already on my death count.

Stiles: This test is graded R.

Deaton: We have a dark oak on our hands. That's kinda like a bad nut, only more fucked up. DARACH.

* * *

Isaac: Hey Derek, guess what I did at school today!

Derek: GET OUT I HATE YOU. (Throws the glass)

Fans: GASP.

Me: Damn… and Jeff Davis said on Tumbler that Derek knew Isaac's father had done that, that Isaac must have told him. That's just way harsh.

Cora: (Stifles a sob)

Me: Oh shut up Cora, nothing you do will ever compare to Isaac's resemblances to a kicked puppy. NOTHING I TELL YOU NOTHING.

Derek: Wow, I'm kinda an asshole.

Me: Geez, I kinda hope you don't need Isaac for a major fight coming up in the next episode or anything…

* * *

Scott: (Doing homework)

Me: Never thought I'd see that happen.

Isaac: I was wondering if I could ask you a favor.

Me: And just like that, a dozen Sisaac fanfics were written….Oh look! Mr. Harris is about to get brutally murdered! Let's watch!

Mr. Harris: Pleases! I did what you asked. They're going to figure you out. You still need me!

Me: What we need you to do is die.

Gloved Hands: (Twist)

Mr. Harris: (Dies)

Me: So I'm guessing that's an oak tree he's tied to. Oh the puns.

* * *

It you laughed, or even just let out an amused puff of breath, please review! This takes me forever to write and its nice to know that people appreciate my work.


	5. Frayed

Look, I got this chapter out on time! As much as I bitched and moaned during the episode to my sister about not getting any answers, I really did like this episode. Plus, going through it to write this really helped me pick up on things that I missed before.

Alright, the dividers in this chapter might be a little weird, but with all the flashbacks happening I did my best to put them where I though they should go.

Also this is the longest chapter so far, for lucky you guys!

* * *

TW Frayed

Isaac: Stop thinking about it man.

Boyd: Like you're not thinking about it too?

Me: Am I thinking about it? I'm thinking about a lot of things.

Danny: Everything okay?

Ethan: Yeah. Yup everything's cool. I'm defiantly not stuck on a bus with no back-up with three Werewolves who want me dead. Why?

Danny: You've checked your phone three times in the last five minutes. I want you to pay attention to me. That's why we're sitting with each other even though there's enough room on the bus for us all to have our own seats.

Scott: (I hate my life)

Stiles: Yo, Scotty! Word of the day time! Anachronism.

Scott: Something out of its usual place in time.

Me: Oh God, I have a feeling this episode is going to get extremely confusing.

Stiles: It's completely incongruous that we're sitting on a bus right now on the way to some stupid cross country meet after what happened. Oh, and the next word is Darach. It's a noun…

Me: You think it's a noun…

Stiles: We have to talk about it sometime!

Me: Which translates into we're not going to talk about it at all this episode.

Bus: (Bump)

Scott: Oh sweet mother of Jesus.

Stiles: I knew it, we shouldn't have come!

Scott: We had to. There's safety in numbers.

Stiles: Yeah, well there's also death in numbers. It's called a massacre. A bloodbath. Carnage. Slaughter. Butchery.

Me: Exactly what you get when you type massacre into a thesaurus.

Scott: Groannnnn.

Stiles: Let me see it.

Scott: (Shows some wicked bloody claw marks)

Me: That is so sick looking. On another note, WHEN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?

Scott: I'm sure it's fine. It's from an Alpha. That means it'll take longer to heal.

Stiles: How come Boyd and Isaac have healed?

Scott: I can't believe he's dead. (Comes close to sobbing) I can't believe Derek's dead.

Me: Wait, what? Did I miss something? WHAT'S GOING ON!?

* * *

Allison: Am I getting to close? I'm getting too close.

Me: I dunno about getting too close but I bet you're getting on Lydia's nerves.

Lydia: That depends on whether or not you're following the bus, or trying to mount it. It also depends on whether or not you're following the bus, or the ex-boyfriend you're currently stalking.

Allison: Well after what happened I'm not letting him out of my sight.

Me: WHAT HAPPENED?! And shouldn't you just get back together then?

Allison: And by the way, this all started when he came knocking at my door.

Me: No, it started when you came back to Beacon Hills after not talking to him for four months. Don't try and put the blame on Scott.

(Flashback 1)

Scott: (Holds up an arrow) I found it outside of the school.

Allison: How do you know it's not from the archer team?

Scott: We don't have an archery team.

Me: BURN!

Allison: Oh.

Scott: And even if they did, they probably wouldn't be using military grade, armor piercing titanium arrow heads.

Me: Those are clearly made to kill someone. Why would someone make those? Animals don't wear armor.

Allison: Well I can take care of myself.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Scott: I know… (Clearly he doesn't) But these guys have superhuman strength.

Allison: You're pretty strong and I can handle you.

Scott: Challenge Accepted.

Allison: I'm pretty good with a bow and arrow.

Me: So?

Scott: I have super strength.

Allison: I have skills and training.

Scott: I have claws. (Wiggles his fingers)

Allison: I'm smarter.

Me: Than the old Scott maybe.

Scott: Well I'm faster.

Allison: Prove it.

Me: Oh my God, just have sex already! Geezus.

Allison: (Getting caught by Scott and held close to him)

Me: KISS!

Allison/Scott: (Fighting around the room, ending up against the wall)

Me: Wall sex?

Allison: Okay I get it, you can let go now.

Me: Maybe he doesn't want to let go…

Scott: Sorry.

Allison: Don't apologize.

Me: Arggggg. This is so stupid!

* * *

Scott: (Enters an Elevator)

Me: Wait, so the Argents are in an apartment now?

Deucalion: Going down?

Me: Most threatening door man ever.

* * *

Scott: I know where they are.

Derek: Same building as the Argents.

Me: Well that's not going to end well…

Scott: Then they want you to know.

Peter: Or more likely they don't care.

Scott: What is this?

Peter: We're plotting to attack them first.

Derek: Tomorrow. And you're going to help us.

Me: You can't make him do that. Scott's not in your pack. Just because he helps you and saves your ass every other episode, doesn't mean you're his Alpha.

(Flashback 2)

Scott: (Looks up)

Derek's Pack: (Getting their asses kicked)

Alpha Pack: (Kicking Derek's Pack's ass)

Me: LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR. LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR.

* * *

Coach: Jared, again, car sick? Every time? How do you even get on the bus?

Jared: Ughhhhhhh.

Coach: Look at me!

Me: Dude, not at me!

Stiles: Scott, you're bleeding again.

Scott: (Nods at Ethan) He's listening.

Me: Then throw something at him. It's not like he can do anything about it.

Stiles: What about the two ticking time bombs? Are you going to stop them?

Scott: If I have to.

(Flashback 3)

Derek: They're one floor above them in the Penthouse.

Scott: Why is the default plan always murder?

Me: Do you really want the answer to that question?

Peter: You never get tired of being blandly moral do you? Not that I disagree.

Me: Wait, what? This coming from Peter?

Cora: Well I do. Why do we need this kid?

Me: Kid? You're practically the same age. And besides, my boy Scotty could kick your ass any day of the week!

Derek: This kid helped save your life.

Me: Not to mention everyone else's…

Boyd: Cut off the head of the snake, and the snake dies.

Peter: Except this isn't a snake. It's a hydra. You know what happens when you cut off one head?

Scott: Two more grows back in its place.

Peter: Well looks like someone did his summer reading.

* * *

Lydia: (Reading Thermodynamic Asymmetry in Time)

Me: Time jokes. Figures what with the flashbacks and all.

Lydia: You're running on fumes.

Allison: FUCK.

Lydia: Is it really a big deal?

Allison: You didn't see what happened.

Me: WHAT HAPPENED?

Lydia: I know who started it.

Allison: Is that what Aidan told you?

Me: Wait, does that mean Lydia told Aidan that she knows about Werewlves?

Lydia: Is that why you invited me on this road trip? Oh my gosh, you're keeping an eye on them, and me.

Me: On an unrelated side note, wouldn't it be funny if Lydia already knew this and smuggled Aidan in the trunk of Allison's car and Allison found out and pushed her car off a cliff?

Cailin: …

Me: What?

Allison: So there's nothing going on between you two?

Lydia: Nothing!

(Flashback 4)

Aidan: (Kissing Lydia)

Lydia: What are you doing?

Aidan: What do you mean?

Lydia: I mean your hands.

Aidan: They're on your waist.

Lydia: I know.

Aidan: Whoa.

Lydia: What am I a nun? Put them somewhere useful.

* * *

Lydia: What?

Allison: You are such a skank.

Bus: (Stops behind a huge traffic jam)

Scott: Ugghhhhh.

Isaac: There's a broken down tractor three miles ahead. We're going to miss the meet.

Boyd: Grrrrr.

Scott: Boyd, he's going to do something.

Me: I know you're on a bus and stuff, but once you get off you might want to consider actually killing Ethan. Then one of you would become an Alpha and the Alpha pack would be weaker, not to mention the Twins wouldn't be able to become a join freak of nature since one of them would be dead.

* * *

(Flashback 5)

Scott: (Shnip)

Deucalion: Come on Scott, put those away. I'd have to be deaf, blind, and a quadriplegic for you to actually be a threat.

Me: Wanna bet? I mean yeah, you could totally kick Scott's ass now, but later in the season my money's on Scott.

Deucalion: Or maybe you would rise to the occasion. Become an Alpha by killing an Alpha.

Scott: I'm not like you. I can see stuff.

Deucalion: Sometimes the only way to protect one person is by killing another.

Scott: You wanna threaten me? Is that why you're here?

Deucalion: No. I live here.

Scott: What? I thought you guys lived in wolf dens.

Deucalion: It's a great building. And the neighbors are…surprisingly friendly.

Me: No kidding…

Scott: What do you want?

Deucalion: I want to see what you're made of.

Me: Well I hate to disappoint you then. You might not have realized this yet, but you're blind.

Elevator: Ding.

Me: All this scene needed what some awkward elevator music.

(Flashback 6)

Scott: (Falling down)

Derek: (Punching Ennis)

Scott: (Limping to the sound of dramatic music)

Ennis: (Head-butts Derek)

Scott: (Still limping)

Derek/Ennis: (Falling several stories)

Scott: (Looking horrified)

Derek: Dead.

Me: Eh, I've seen him have worse injuries. I'm sure he'll be walking around the moment you all leave.

* * *

Cora: (Touching an escalator)

Me: Yep. That's and escalator all right.

Peter: It's just me, your uncle.

Me: Your crazy killer psychotic uncle.

Cora: Uncle Peter who killed sister Laura.

Peter: Not my finest hour no, but did Derek mention that he killed me too?

Me: Well you kinda dissevered it. And it's not like you stayed dead.

Cora: So that means I should trust you?

Peter: Actually I'm wondering if I can trust you.

Me: My thoughts exactly. Cora is totally a spy. All to protect Derek of course… but a spy none the less.

Cora: You've known me for seventeen years.

Peter: The last six are unaccounted for.

Cora: What are you doing here?

Peter: Same as you. Wondering where the bodies went. They were either taken, or one of them had the strength to get up and walk out.

Cora: Which one?

* * *

Scott: (Painfully walking down the bus to stop Boyd)

Flashback 7 Scott: I don't know what to do. How do you save someone who doesn't want to be saved? How do I stop them?

Flashback 7 Deaton: Don't stop them. Lead them!

Scott: (Grabs Boyd's arm)

Boyd: Let. Go.

Scott: No.

Boyd: Okay.

Me: Well that went well. Points to Alpha Scott.

Stiles: Ethan keeps checking his phone like every five minutes. It's something evil, I can just tell. I'm going to ask Danny.

Phone: Bing.

Stiles: (Find out why Ethan keeps checking his phone)

Danny (No.)

Phone: Bing.

Stiles: Just do it!

Danny: (No.)

Phone: Bing.

Stiles: (ASK HIM)

Ethan: (Staring awkwardly ahead)

Danny: (NO. I like this guy. What's wrong with you?)

Phone: Bing

Stiles: (It's important. PLEASE!)

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Phone: Bing.

Ethan: Something wrong?

Danny: Actually, I was wondering the same thing about you.

Ethan: (Glances back at Scott and Stiles)

Scott/Stiles: (Duck down)

Me: Smooth.

Phone: Bing.

Danny: (Someone close to him is sick. Might not make it through the night)

Scott: Ennis… he's not dead.

Stiles: Not yet.

* * *

Deaton: (Walks out to find the Kali and Aiden holding up Ennis and Ms. Morrell standing looking like a badass).

Me: Ms. Morrell is Deaton's little sister. The casting call never lies.

Ms. Morrell: We could use a little help.

Deaton: Try the hospital.

Me: Go Deaton.

Ms. Morrell: Open the gate Alan.

Me: Can't you technically do it yourself?

Deaton: No.

Kali: Help us. Or maybe I'll just kill her.

Deaton: Not here you won't. I'll fuck you up.

Kali: (Looks a little bit afraid)

Ms. Morrell: Alan, if he dies, they'll go after the others. And don't think your little protégé Scott won't find his way into the middle of it.

Me: Even if Ennis lives I'm pretty sure they would go after the others anyway.

Ms. Morrell: Alan, Please.

Me: Aln, pls. God, I want to know what her connection to the Alphas is!

Deaton: (Opens the gate)

* * *

Coach: Jared, I'm warning you. I'm an empathic vomiter. You vomit, and I'm going to vomit right back on you.

Stiles: Can we stop?

Coach: No.

Stiles: I hate him. Did you call Deaton?

Scott: It went to his voicemail.

Stiles: Alright, I'm calling Lydia and Allison.

Scott: How are they going to help?

Stiles: They've been following us for hour. Pathetic.

Me: Wow, I spelled pathetic right on the first go. Take that spell check!

* * *

Lydia: Hey Stiles!

Me: I remember a time where Stiles would have died of happiness if Lydia answered his call. Now he just does it to speak to Allison.

Stiles: I know you guys are behind us. Put me on speaker.

Lydia: (Abashed) Okay.

Stiles: SCOTT'S DYING AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND LYDIA WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?

Allison: Get the coach to pull over.

Stiles: Have you met this guy?

* * *

Stiles: Five minutes for a bathroom break.

Coach: REEEEEET

Stiles: Its 60 miles to the nearest rest stop.

Coach: REEEEEEEEEET.

Stiles: Let me talk!

Coach: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

Stiles: …

Coach: GET BACK TO YOUR SEAT!

Stiles: OKAY!

Jared: Ugh.

Stiles: (Sits next to Jared) Hey Jared. How ya doing?

Me: Holy shit that smile is creepy as fuck.

* * *

Bus: (Everyone jumps out trying not to throw up)

Coach: Jared, you suck!

Me: Quick, all the main characters into the men's bathroom!

Allison/Stiles: (Dump Scott on the floor)

Me: Okay, I've been in those kinds of bathrooms before. Sitting on the floor is the last place you want to be. Plus anyone could just walk in.

Lydia: You know, it could be psychological.

Me: Uh, or it could just be an infected Alpha wound and you're all still screwed. Aw who am I kidding. If Lydia suggested it, it must be true.

Stiles: He's not letting himself heal because Derek died.

Me: Well that's stupid. Scott isn't even a part of Derek's pack. And he thought Derek died plenty of time before. God Scott, you're such a bleeding heart.

Allison: So what do we do?

Lydia: Stich him up!

Me: Why do you carry around… you know what, forget it. It's Lydia.

Allison: He's going to need another shirt.

Stiles: I got it. Uh, do you know what you're doing?

Allison: Yeah, my father taught me.

Stiles/Lydia: We're just going to go now…

Allison: Stay with me Scott.

Scott: I'm tired. I just wanna die.

Me: Hey everyone, let's spend the next minute watching Allison trying to thread a needle!

Allison: FUCK!

Mrs. Argent: You can't even thread a needle?

Allison: I'm trying.

Me: Well you suck at trying.

Mrs. Argent: You want my sympathy?

Me: I doubt it, since she is trying to save the life of the boy you died trying to kill.

Mrs. Argent: Well get over it. I'm dead.

Me: Unfortunately you won't stay that way.

Allison: (Sobbing)

Mrs. Argent: Stop crying and do it!

Me: DO IT ALLISON! SCOTT'S DYING AND ONLY YOUR LOVE CAN SAVE HIM!111!

Allison: YES! I threaded the needle! Now I just have to ram it through Scott's open wound!

Me: Jesus, thank God he's unconscious for that.

Allison: Scott? Scott? Scott?

* * *

(Flashback 8)

Derek/Ennis: (lying motionless and very dead looking)

Scott: Noooooooooooooo.

Isaac: (Pulls Scott back)

(Flashback 8 ends)

* * *

Allison: SCOTT!

Scott: It's my fault.

Me: WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE YOUR FAULT? I AM SO DONE.

Allison: Scott, look at me.

Me: Please kiss. Please.

Allison: It's okay.

Me: NO IT'S NOT.

Scott: (Looks at his healing side) Did you do that?

Allison: Yeah.

Scott: Nice.

Allison: Here, put this on.

Me: I can't believe you aren't even going to have I almost died sex.

* * *

(Flashback 9)

Scott: (Turns around and jumps) Woah.

Me: So much for Werewolf senses.

Isaac: Where ya going?

Me: Scott and Isaac and wearing the same clothes…

Scott: I uh I aaaa uh I was just going to get some food to eat.

Isaac: Awesome, I love food. What are we getting.

Scott: Uhhhh, Mexican?

Isaac: Aw man, I love Mexican.

Scott: Isaac! I can eat alone. It's okay.

Isaac: You're not going alone.

Me: Scott/Isaac feels. Hurts bro.

Stunt Doubles: (Riding the motorcycle right into the abandoned mall)

Scott: We're just going to talk to them.

Me: Scott, when has that ever worked?

Isaac: Wait, you mean we're not actually here to eat Mexican?

Me: I thought the Alphas were in an apartment complex. What are they doing in a deserted mall?

* * *

Lydia: Is he okay?

Scott: Does it look like I'm okay?

Allison: We still don't have gas. And I can't leave him.

Lydia: Then we have to leave the car.

Allison: Sounds good.

Me: That's a crappy rest stop if it doesn't have gas.

* * *

(Flashback 10 Holy crap this is a lot of flashbacks)

Scott/Isaac: (Walks up to Deucalion)

Deucalion: You didn't come alone.

Scott: Yeah. This is Isaac. You guys tortured him once.

Deucalion: I'm not talking about Isaac.

Derek: (Walks out, flanked by Boyd and Cora)

Scott: You knew I would do this. Derek, someone's going to die.

Derek: Just him.

Deucalion: Just me? Now how does a blind man find his way into a place like this?

Me: Shit's about to go down.

Alpha Pack: (Arrives stylishly)

* * *

Scott: Stiles, what's happening?

Me: A riot by the sound of it.

Stiles: I told him what was happening and he just went after him.

Scott: Boyd?

Me: Nope, your wolfy bff.

Isaac: (Beating the crap out of Ethan)

Ethan: (Just lying there and letting Isaac beat the crap out of him)

Scott: ISAAC!

Isaac: (Stops beating the crap out of Ethan and gives Scott a puppy look)

* * *

Cora: An animal clinic?

Peter: The building's half made out of mountain ash. I'm not actually sure how to get in.

Me: Uh, the door? But you'll have to try again later. They're closed.

Cora: Maybe we could do what normal people do and knock on the door.

Me: But Cora! They're closed!

Peter: They're here.

Cora: Who?

Peter: All of them.

Me: Peter can't count! Peter can't count! Peter Hale can't count!

* * *

Deucalion: How's our patient?

Deaton: He's going to make it.

Deucalion: (Strokes Ennis's chest, then kisses his cheeks)

Me: He's toast.

Cailin: What do you mean?

Me: He's dead. He was dead the moment Deucalion stepped into the room.

Deucalion: (Puts his hand on Ennis' face)

Ennis: (Realized too late what's about to happen)

Deaton: (Just watching)

Ennis: (Skull cracks like an egg)

Deucalion: I think you might have overestimated his odds.

* * *

Cora: How do we know who's in there?

Kali: (Runs out) ARRGGGGGG.

Aidan: (Hugs her while car alarms go off)

Peter: I know one thing. That wasn't for Derek.

Me: Anyone else find it ironic that Kali is upset about a member of her pack dying when she killed her own pack?

* * *

(Flashback 11)

Derek: (Runs at Deucalion)

Kali: (Kicks him in the face)

Twins: (Do flips off the cliff and land as one)

Me: Okay, that was pretty sweet.

Scott: (Does the sweet neck crack thing and turns) Okay, time to kick some Alpha butt! (Instantly gets slammed into a wall)

Cora: (Gets slashed)

Scott: (Also gets slashed)

Alpha Pack: (Takes out Derek's Pack without breaking a sweat)

Deucalion: Kill him. (Meaning Boyd)

Boyd: Oh shit.

Deucalion: Take the first step.

Kali: Are we serious with this kid? He's an Alpha? To what, a couple of useless teenagers?

Deucalion: Some have more promise than others… (Looks at Scott)

Kali: Let him rise to the occasion then. What'll it be Derek? Pack, or family?

Derek: Hmmm.

Twin Freak of Nature: Ugh! (Gets hit with a flash arrow and for some reason disjoin)

Abandoned Mall: (Starts to rain flash arrows)

Deucalion: You're eyes!

Me: Haha, eyes…

* * *

(Flashback 12 (A flashback within a flashback))

Allison: Someone needs to help them.

Chris: Not us.

Allison: So we just ignore it?

Chris: We stay out of it.

Allison: There is a pack of Alphas trying to kill my friends. How do I stay out of that?

Chris: There's a saying for this. Threading the Needle.

Me: Really. Really? You went with threading the needle?

Chris: They're not your family.

Allison: With all the family I've lost, I could use a few friends.

(Flash back 12 Ends)

Allison: (Still shooting arrows)

Scott: Whoa, and to think I used to tap that… (Runs at Ennis and collides)

Deucalion: (Sightless eyes widen)

Allison: What… the…

Scott: (Has Alpha Red eyes)

Me: HOLY SHIT LOOK AT SCOTT HE'S AN ALPHA WTF!

Allison: …Fuck…

Scott: (Shakes the cool eyes off)

Me: Figures. Way too early in the season for him to realize it. It'll probably be the midseason finale before we get to see them again.

Derek: (Begins fighting Ennis)

Scott: (Slashes at Ennis's leg)

Ennis: (Falls of the edge, taking Derek with him)

Scott: Noooooooo.

* * *

Scott: (Sadly opens his eyes)

Stiles: So, one more time, just for the audience's sake, it has to be three sacrifices, and it's someone who thinks he's a dark druid.

Lydia: Or is a dark druid.

Stiles: We are so screwed.

Lydia: Y'know, some ancient cultures used to sacrifice people in preparation for battle.

Stiles: So we have Alpha Werewolves against a dark druid.

Lydia: Yeah.

Me: If only they would fight each other… You better hope the dark druid doesn't decide to sacrifice Werewolves next. There's only so many to go around. (Boyd and Ethan if it does happen, calling it)

Allison: Y'know, if he's really dead, it's not your fault.

Scott: Maybe.

Me: Meaning no.

Scott: Sooo. Remember that time earlier in the episode where I told you to fuck off?

Allison: Yeah.

Scott: Thanks for not listening. (Now please don't help again)

Allison: (Stares into Scott's eyes)

Scott: What?

Allison: Just looking at your eyes. (Blushes)

Me: Ughhhhhhh.

* * *

Deaton: I don't think you know what you've gotten yourself into here.

Ms. Morrell: It's a little bit late to be playing big brother don't you think?

Me: Called it! Brother/Sister! Cailin, you better never side with an Alpha Pack.

Ms. Blake: (Gets into his car)

Bloody Body: (Throws it's self against the car)

Ms. Blake: Eeeekkkkkk.

Derek: Passes out.

Me: Oh look, Derek's still alive. No one saw that coming….

* * *

Okay, so the next episode Motel California looks like it's going to be amazing.


	6. Motel California

Welcome everyone to the Teen Wolf After-School Show Horror Special! These chapters just keep getting longer and longer...

**Disclaimer** Suicide is not funny. For the sake of the episode, I'm making it funny. If you are ever feeling suicidal, please get help.

* * *

TW Motel California

Shitty Truck: (Pulls up to a shitty motel)

Bloody Man: (Limps into a room)

Newspaper: (March 5th, 1997)

Me: Carter hosts banquet's for National Governors? That's so nice of him!

Bloody Man: (Opens the door to 217)

Me: Well three guesses which room they'll be staying in this episode…

Bloody Man: (Lifts his shirt to reveal bite marks)

Me: Uh oh, better get those checked out. You wouldn't want that to get infected.

Bloody Man: (Inspects his sideburns in the mirror)

Me: What a nice necklace he has on. It looks just like the Argent necklace. It's a good thing he's not a hunter and that's not a Werewolf bite. Otherwise he would have to kill himself.

Bloody Man: (Opens the curtains and looks at the full moon)

Me: What a pretty view!

Bloody Man: (Rummages around in his gym bag)

Me: A shot gun, a wallet, a lighter, and a shell. That's what I keep in MY gym bag.

Bloody Man: (Loads the shot gun)

Me: That IS a shifty motel. Best to be prepared.

Bloody Man: (Holds the shot gun up to his head and speaks in French as his eyes glow yellow. Then he pulls the trigger)

Me: Eh, I'm sure it's just a flesh wound.

Camera: (Pans down over the dude's driver's license)

Me: Alexander Argent? Hm… nope, never heard that name before. (But really, why is his license from Massachusetts?)

* * *

Bus: (Pulls up at the Shitty Motel)

Scott: I've seen worse.

Stiles: Where have you seen worse?

Me: That's what I would like to know…

Coach: You'll be pairing up! Choose wisely. AND NO SEX!

Me: (Snorts) Yeah, sure.

Allison: Lydia?

Lydia: I don't like this place.

Allison: I don't think the people who own this place like this place. It's just for a night.

Lydia: A lot could happen in one night.

Me: Oh please, I'm sure you'll all get a good night's rest!

* * *

Stiles: Okay, I have four.

Scott: Four? You have four suspects?

Stiles: Yeah! I had ten originally, well nine I guess techniquely. I had Derek on there twice.

Me: Only twice?

Scott: So who's number one, Harris?

Stiles: Just because he's missing, doesn't mean he's dead.

Me: Nope, he's dead alright. He's on my death count.

Scott: Well maybe it's someone else from school. Remember Matt? We didn't know that he was killing people.

Stiles: Excuse me? I called that from day one.

Scott: But we weren't serious about that…

Stiles: I was serious. I was deadly serious about that.

Scott: Who were the only three?

Stiles: Cora. No one knows anything about her and she's Derek's sister.

Me: Um, hello? It could be PETER! Although at this point I seriously doubt it.

Stiles: Your boss! I don't like the whole Obi Wan thing he's got going about.

Scott: ?

Stiles: Oh my God you still haven't seen Star Wars?

Me: Oh my God, you still haven't seen Star Wars?

Scott: I swear, if we make it back alive I will watch the movie.

Me: Well now you've gone and jinxed it. You're all going to die.

Stiles: Lydia.

Me: Not a bad theory, although I doubt she's the one actually killing people.

Stiles: She was totally controlled by Peter and she had no idea so…

Me: So let's agree you're all fucked and move on. Have a good night!

* * *

Ms. Blake: Oh God, this is a bad idea. I should be taking you to a hospital!

Derek: No! No hospital. We can't have sex in a hospital…

Ms. Blake: Derek, I can't hold you anymore! (Drops Derek)

Me: One. Job.

* * *

Chris: (Walks around the deserted mall, tracking the Alpha battle as it happened)

Me: That's pretty sweet how he's catching all these small details.

Chris: (Looks at the giant Scott shaped chunk of wall that's missing)

Me: Or maybe not so small detail…

* * *

Scott: (Staring into the mirror and his eye turns red)

Me: Damn it Jeff, stop teasing us!

Boyd: (Staring at the vending machine)

Stiles: Yo.

Boyd: (Watches as the snack gets stuck)

Stiles: Oh, hold on. I have a patented method for this.

Me: (Has a sudden flash back to the S2 Episode 1 scene where Stiles pushes over the vending machine) Yeah, patented method…

Boyd: (Punches the Vending Machine and takes his snack)

Me: OMG, please take ALL the snacks Stiles.

Stiles: (Takes ALL the snacks)

Me: YES!

* * *

Allison: (Naked in the shower) Lydia, did you get new towels?

Scott: (Totally creeping on Allison)

Allison: Lydia…oh shit Scott hi. What are you doing?

Scott: Looking for you… (he says in a deep, stalker/killer voice)

Allison: You found me. In the shower. Slightly naked…

Me: Slightly?

Scott: I've seen you naked before.

Allison: Okay, well remember we're kinda not together anymore.

Me: Kinda not together? What does that even mean? And way to punch all us viewers in the gut Allison.

Scott: We're still friends right. We could just be closer friends. Maybe we could even fix things between us.

Me: What things? Allison is the only one with the problem. Either way, clearly something is seriously messed up with Scott right now.

Allison: Scott!

Scott: (Zones out)

Allison: Are you okay?

Me: At least Allison realizes that this is not a normal Scott.

Scott: Sorry, I don't remember… (Walks out)

Me: Well that wasn't strange at all.

* * *

Lydia: (Bitches about the towels smelling like nicotine)

Old Lady with a Tube in her Throat: Sorry about that sweetheart.

Me: Smooth Lydia.

Lydia: What's that?

Old Lady with a Tube in her Throat: That's an inside joke.

Me: Kinda a sick inside joke…

Old Lady with a Tube in her Throat: It's kinda morbid. Sure you want to know?

Me: Tell me.

Lydia: Tell me.

Old Lady with a Tube in her Throat: More than any other motel in California, we have the most guest suicides.

Sign: 198.

Me: So what, does that mean in every room someone has offed themselves? Instead of non-smoking rooms, are there non-suicide rooms?

Old Lady with a Tube in her Throat: And counting.

Me: I would hate to be the cleaner for that motel. You'd be finding bodies practically every other month.

Isaac: (Smiling as he channel surfs through static)

Me: OMG, I love that channel!

* * *

Chris: Do you want me to pick you up?

Allison: No no, it's okay. We're at this really shitty motel. The school paid for it.

Me: Which kinda explains why you're staying there in the first place.

Chris: That name sounds familiar. I think my uncle stayed there once. He must not have like it because he killed himself in room 217. Anyway, I want you to know you can tell me anything. I am in no way hiding anything from you.

* * *

Ms. Blake: (Rolling up Derek's bloody shirt to reveal claw marks) Oh my God.

Derek: How is it?

Ms. Blake: It's awesome. I am totally digging your body. By the way, you're bleeding black blood. Is that bad?

Derek: (Passes out)

Ms. Blake: Derek, please don't die! I can't have sex with you if you die! It's not that kind of show!

Me: Thank God for that…

* * *

Allison: 198?

Lydia: In 40 years. That's 4. 9 a year which… is to be expected.

Me: It IS a shitty motel after all.

Strange Male Voice: Which one do you want?

Lydia: Did you hear that?

Me: WHY WON'T THE VOICES LEAVE ME ALONE?

Strange Female Voice: I dunno. The smaller one I guess?

Strange Male Voice: It's okay. Smaller is better.

Me: Those are words I never thought I'd hear come from a guy's mouth.

Lydia: (Climbs onto the bed)

Strange Female Voice: Wait, when do I?

Strange Male Voice: I'll count to three.

Strange: Female Voice: After three or on three?

Me: This suicide sure is awkward as hell.

Lydia: (Starts freaking out)

Strange Female Voice: I love you.

Strange Male Voice: I love you too.

Me: Well I don't love you. I wish you were dead.

Air Vent: BANG!

Allison: What happened?

Lydia: The two people in the other room shot each other! (Runs into Room 216)

Me: Which means Allison is staying the room her great uncle shot himself in. Not that that's strange since her mom offed herself in Allison's own bedroom.

Lydia: Hello?

Me: Like they would answer if they were dead. Of course with Lydia you never know.

Lydia: (Turns on the light, shows the room's under construction) They were right here.

Allison: I believe you.

Me: About freaking time.

Lydia: (Turns around and looks at the wall)

Wall: (Creepy ass faces are whispering)

Me: Holy Fuck that's scary. The wall has faces on it.

* * *

Boyd: (Walking to get ice)

Strange Female Voice that's different than the other Strange Female Voice: Don't leave me…

Boyd: (Starts digging in the ice)

Strange Yet Familiar Voice: You weren't supposed to leave me.

Boyd: Alisha? (Digs in the ice box and see's something)

Alisha?: Why did you leave me?

Boyd: (Uncovers the face)

Me: OH MY GOD IT'S THE ATTRACTIVE BLACK LADY FROM EPISODE ONE! So that's where the Alphas were hiding the body. A bit out of the way…

* * *

Lydia: This placed is fucked up. We need to leave.

Allison: But they were suicides, not murders.

Me: So that makes it okay!

Lydia: I bet that couple committed suicide in that very room. I bet that's why they're renovating. Because they're scraping brain matter off the ceiling.

Me: What a lovely thought.

Allison: Maybe we should find out.

* * *

Isaac: (Wakes up and hears something)

A Voice that sounds like Mr. Layhe: Hand me the 716th wench… what the hell, this is the 916th you moron. You know what the different between a 7 and a 9 don't you dumbass?

Isaac: The difference is a strip bolt… I'm sorry I didn't know…

Me: Is this where the FEELS start? Does the THIS MIGHT HURT begin now? Because this is quite painful to watch.

Isaac: Shut up shut up shut up. I can't fix this. I can't fix this now.

Mr. Layhe: Grab the chains.

Isaac: What?

Mr. Layhe: Get in the damn freezer!

Isaac: (Hides in the pillows, only to find himself already in a freezer)

Me: Poor Isaac. At least you'll probably be safe in there…

* * *

Lydia: Well there goes that.

Allison: Didn't you say the sign said 198?

Me: Oh shit.

Sign: 201.

Allison: So have there been three more suicides?

Lydia: Or three more are about to happen.

* * *

Scott: Hey mom, what's up?

Ms. McCall: I'm sorry he just came into the house. I tried to stop…

Scott: What? Where are you?

Ms. McCall: Outside. Look outside.

Scott: (Looks outside to see Deucalion and his mother together)

Me: Why does his mom always date the evil Alphas?

Deucalion: Scott, can you hear me?

Me: I dunno. Can you see Scott?

Scott: What do you want?

Deucalion: Isn't it obvious? You're an Alpha now Scott.

Scott: I'm not. Derek could still be alive…

Me: No, the last episode pretty much summed up the fact that you think he's dead. Besides, that doesn't mean anything. You aren't in Derek's pack so you wouldn't become the next Alpha. Probably Cora would be when you think about it.

Deucalion: He's dead. And now I'm coming for you. And everyone you love. I'm coming for ALL THE LOVED ONES. (Rips Melissa's throat out)

Scott's Face: :O

Stiles: Scott, you okay?

Scott: (Realizes the vision thing wasn't real)

Stiles: (Reads his phone) (BTW, the time is 12:21, a bit late to be getting to sleep if you're racing tomorrow)

Lydia: (I need to speak to you. Just you.)

Me: And Allison too apparently. Why wouldn't you bring Scott in on this?

* * *

Danny/Ethan: (Making out on the bed, pushes off some text books)

Ethan: You brought homework? I'll let you get back to that.

Me: Actors being gay for pay. I guess this is compensation for that lesbian scene we had in Fireflies.

Danny/Ethan: (Beginning to progress into something else)

Me: COACH SAID NO SEX! And apparently whenever you kissing/sex scenes, they don't let the actors eat anything for hours leading up to it. Both actors complained about it on twitter. Not that I have a twitter. I think twitter is stupid.

Ethan: (Finds a scar) What's that?

Danny: I had a bar put in when I was 14 for two years so my heart and lungs wouldn't be crushed.

Ethan: But what if there was a way you could make them disappear?

Me: Uh oh, I'm pretty sure part of being in an Alpha Pack is no betas allowed. On the plus side, this could be a way to turn Ethan against Deucalion.

Danny: I don't want them to. They make me feel like I'm a survivor.

Ethan: I really hope you are.

Me: Damn, earlier theory confirmed. That was a new record.

Ethan: (His spine suddenly splits in two) Uh, I'll be right back.

Ethan's Stomach: (A wild hand appears, then a head) FEED ME!

Me: If Aidan pop's out of his stomach, that'll be the coolest and grossest thing I have even seen ever.

Ethan: I'll be back in a minute. (Runs out the room)

Me: Look's like somebody's timer went off a bit early…

* * *

Allison: The last time I saw Scott like that was during the full moon.

Stiles: Yeah Scott was a little off with me too. Actually Boyd was the one who was really off. I watched him put his fist through a vending machine.

Lydia: We need to leave this place right now, or someone needs to learn how to do an exorcism.

Stiles: Wait, the number went up by three.

Allison: You mean like three sacrifices.

Me: Oooooo. Clever.

Stiles: What if this time it's three Werewolves?

Me: CALLED IT! Then again, that would kill half the cast.

Stiles: Maybe we were meant to come here. (Finds the Bible full of death reports)

Me: That's kinda cool in a sick and twisted way. This whole episode is cool in a sick and twisted way.

Lydia: What if the one next door has the one about the couple? (They run out)

Me: Why does the couple matter? They have nothing to do with the plot.

216: (Locked)

Allison: It doesn't matter. We need to get Boyd, Isaac and Scott out of here! (About to run off)

216: (Hand saw noises can be heard)

Me: Oh this is going to be fun…

Stiles: Hand saw?

216: (Suddenly unlocked)

Ethan: (About to cut himself in half with the handsaw)

Stiles: Ethan no! (Wrestles the hand saw out of his hands and then almost falls on it)

Me: What are you doing? It would be so much better if Ethan died!

Ethan: (Takes out his claws to claw himself before falling on the space heater that is on for some reason, even though it wasn't before)

Me: I doubt that would have worked. And why are the others strong enough to fight him off? And I thought they used guns in that room to kill themselves, not handsaws.

Ethan: What just happened? (Runs off)

* * *

Ms. Blake: (Stares out the window)

Derek: Uggggghhhhh.

Ms. Blake: Are you sure you want to do that?

Derek: I have to find the others. They think I'm dead.

Ms. Blake: Maybe that's a good thing. You could use that to your advantage. Also we could just stay here forever.

Me: That would be a great idea if not for the fact that the Alpha pack already suspects that he's alive. Also, I'm wondering where Cora is. Staying with killer uncle Peter?

Ms. Blake: Do you have any idea how terrible you look? I almost don't want to have sex with you. Okay so that's a lie, but still.

* * *

Ethan: I already said, I don't know what happened.

Stiles: Well you could be a little bit more grateful; we did just save your life.

Ethan: Well you probably shouldn't have.

Me: Duh.

Lydia: So what now?

Me: Good question. Where do you go from here?

Allison: I'll find Scott. You guys find Isaac and Boyd.

Lydia: What?

Stiles: Uh, this all seems pretty familiar.

Lydia: What do you mean?

Stiles: Your birthday party. The night you poisoned everyone with wolfs bane.

Me: That WAS an awesome party.

* * *

Boyd: …

Radio: Static noises…

Boyd: (Turns off the radio)

Me: Wasn't Isaac in that room? I hope he didn't lock himself in that ice chest with Boyd's sister. That's a pairing even fanfiction hasn't dived into.

Radio: (Keeps turning on) Do you remember the last time you saw her?

Young Boyd: I don't know I can't remember. I was watching her. I swear!

Boyd: (Unplugs the radio)

Radio: THAT WON'T STOP ME BITCH!

Boyd: (Curb stomps the radio)

Me: If only that was Peter's head.

* * *

Ms. Blake: You don't have any first aid anywhere?

Derek: Bitch I'm Derek motherfucking Hale. I don't need no bandages.

Ms. Blake: How do we fix you up?

Derek: Sex would do it, but I'm sure you don't want to do that. Anyway, you shouldn't be here.

Ms. Blake: Why not?

Derek: Because you don't know me. Everyone around me gets hurt.

Me: That's because you're fucking retarded Derek. You think that just because you're an Alpha, you know what's best. You killed a half dead Peter to gain your red eyes. You didn't earn them like Scott's busy doing.

Ms. Blake: I've been hurt before.

Me: I highly doubt any of it compares to the level of hurt that this show supplies and endorses.

Ms. Blake: (Shoves her boobs into Derek's face as she leans in to kiss him)

Me: Well like he can say no to that.

Derek: This is a bad idea… oh fuck it. (Starts eating her face)

* * *

Boyd: (Stares at a safe)

Me: So what, now the Darch is using them to steal cash? Actually that's what I would be using them for…

Allison: (Realizes that Scott's missing)

Stiles: Lydia, I didn't mean to accuse you of trying to kill people. I just meant that maybe you're involved in the reason they want to kill themselves.

Lydia: (Hears a baby crying)

Boyd: (Gets into the bath tub while holding the safe)

Stressed Lady Voice: (About to drown her baby and herself)

Lydia: Oh my God

Boyd: (Begins to drown himself)

Lydia: Someone's drowning!

Boyd: Bubble.

Stiles/Lydia: (Run in and find Boyd drowning. They fail to get the safe off and drain the water)

Me: He let his air out earlier. How long does it take for a Werewolf to drown? I don't think magic healing produces air.

Stiles: We need fire!

Lydia: He's underwater!

Me: You're fucked.

Lydia: Wait…

Me: This isn't the time to wait!

Lydia: Get the flares on the bus!

Stiles: (Runs into the bus and grabs two of the three flares)

Lydia: (Scared, and hears someone else in the room)

Isaac: (Shaking in fear under the bed)

Me: I found Isaac guys. No need to thank me.

Stiles: (Shoves a flare into Boyd's face)

Boyd: Arrrrggggg.

Lydia: (Holding onto Stiles)

Me: Awwwww.

Stiles: (Lifts the bed covers) Hey there Isaac. Got something for ya. (Shoves the flare under the bed)

* * *

Allison: I can't find Scott anywhere.

Lydia: Get the other flare!

Allison/Stiles/Lydia: (Find Scott standing next to the bus holding the flare)

Scott: (Drenched in gasoline)

Me: Oh….Shit….

Scott: (In a broken voice) There's no hope.

Allison: There's always hope.

Me: What part of this picture says there's any hope left? Scott's the best of all you and he himself is breaking. This is more painful to watch than Isaac.

Scott: Not for me. Not for Derek.

Derek: (Having bloody ripped open sex)

Me: How would Derek feel if Scott killed himself while he was busy getting laid because he couldn't bother to text Scott telling him he was still alive? Anyway, Derek is finally getting some.

Scott: Every time I try to fight back it just gets worse.

Stiles: Scott, you're being controlled!

Scott: What if it isn't? What if it's just me? What if this is the best thing I could do for everyone else? (Sobbing)

Me: THE FEELS! And Scott if you die, then so does everyone else. Well, probably not the humans. Really just the Werewolves, and they chose that anyway.

Derek: (Kisses Jennifer and somehow his wounds heal and his skin cleans itself of the blood and dirt)

Me: SEX MAGIC! EVERYONE HAVE SEX TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER!

Scott: Before I got bit, we were nothing. We weren't important. We were no one. Maybe I should just be no one again.

Me: Allison, this is the time where you chip in and tell Scott you love him.

Flare: (Sending sparks everywhere)

Me: Really, Scott should have become the human torch by now.

Stiles: Scott you're my best friend. You're my brother. So if you're going to do this, you're going to have to take me with you.

Me: I'm done. This is just too painful. Acting actors can act.

Stiles: (Takes the flare away from Scott and throws it away, almost into the gas spill)

Me: He was two inches away from burning them up anyway.

Wind: (Blows the flare into the gas)

Me: See?

Lydia: NOOOOO. (Pushes everyone out of the way)

Dark Figure in the Fire: Ugly as fuck.

Me: And there we have it. Season's Three big bad villain. My bets are Deucalion has nothing on this dude. Actually I think it was a girl.

* * *

Coach: (Finds everyone asleep and on the bus) I don't want to know.

Me: Wow that was some bus orgy last night wasn't it guys? In reality, that night must have been shit. And why does everyone have so many spare clothes?

Coach: The meet's canceled!

Me: Well that was a waste of a weekend.

Ethan: (Sits next to Scott) I don't know what happened last night, but I'm pretty sure you saved my life.

Stiles: Actually I saved your life.

Me: Shut up Stiles.

Ethan: So I'm going to give you something. We're pretty sure Derek's still alive.

Me: You mean Derek still hasn't bothered to tell anyone he's alive? Worst. Alpha. Ever.

Ethan: He killed one of ours. That means one of two things could happen.

Me: Well you guys did kill one ours first. (Erica)

Ethan: Either he joins our pack.

Scott: And he kills his own.

Me: Which still really doesn't help Scott at all, so why are you telling him?

Ethan: Or Kali goes after him.

Me: So then Derek would kill another one of your pack. That solves nothing. But I digress. I doubt Derek could kill Kali anyway.

Lydia: (Zones out) He Coach, could I see that for a second? (Takes his whistle and finds wolf's bane on it)

Stiles: So every time Coach blew the whistle on the bus, everyone inhaled it. That's how the Darch got into their heads.

Me: That is the lames theory I've ever heard. Like it would be potent enough to poison four Werewolves, but not enough for the coach to even notice it whenever he blew it?

Stiles: (Throws the whistle out the window)

* * *

Chris: (Enters room A151)

Me: Is that in the apartment? Or somewhere else. Wait a minute, is that?

Gerard: Twice in a month. (Wipes away some black blood) Should I be flattered?

Me: Postponing the OMG GERARD IS RIGHT THERE moment, is he STILL bleeding? And I thought he had cancer four months ago. How is he not dead? And what was the first time for?

Chris: In 1977 my uncle checked into that shitty motel for a one night stay. He painted the ceiling with his brain matter.

Gerard: If you already have all the information, then what do you want from me?

Chris: I want to know the Alpha that bit him.

Gerard: Deucalion!

Me: Bum bum bummmmm!

* * *

Okay, I'm going to go on a spiel here about something I picked up on this show. It has to do with my argument about why Derek's probably going to end up as an Omega by the end of the season. Derek and Scott both admitted in this episode that everyone around them gets hurt. So what does Derek do after stating that? He gives in and let's another helpless human get into his circle. Scott on the other hand thought that since he was the problem, he should be removed. Obviously this would have made everything worse, and Scott was not himself at that moment, but even out of his mind, the drive behind his actions was protecting people. Scott is earning his Alpha status, and with the way things are going and who Derek is trusting, I think he's going to lose his.

Other theories: Cora is working for the Alphas so they won't kill Derek. She's probably being blackmailed. The reason Isaac didn't try to kill himself was because he was too scared, which says a lot about his character. I was surprised about seeing the Attractive Black Lady again, and now I want to find out a lot more about her. Hopefully we will.

Anyway, I hoped you all enjoyed this chapter. I kinda regret starting the story, since it really takes up so much time and it doesn't let me write anything else for the summer. Still, I started it, so I'm going to finish it, nobody worry about that. Reviews are nice and help me feel better.


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